"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you."
Ever since my precious little girl has come into the picture, I have realized that in order to survive, I must learn to embrace the chaos. Often I want to fight it and in turn find myself attempting to wade upstream amidst rapids. It's much easier to just sit down and let the swirling waves take you downstream!! You know, go with the flow.
This new flow though, is something that is really difficult for me sometimes. I wish I had things in order. I wish I had things clean. Oh I try. Really I do. I clean, regularly, and then someone traipses through the kitchen with muddy feet. I file and then another stack of mail comes in. I do laundry and then someone pees their pants, or plays in the mud, or spills food all over themselves and needs new clothes for the third time that day! And then, to add insult to injury, the clean laundry piles up, stares at me laughing, and begs to be folded. These aspects of my day create an amazing little dichotomy of sheer chaos and monotony that surprisingly coexist during the waking hours and it can get stifling sometimes. It's easy to get discouraged and even easier to just get plain mad about it all. Will I ever get to eat my lunch?
But that's just it. Getting mad won't solve anything. Even my four-year-old who is a firecracker like me, knows that. He doesn't always act like he knows it but, he does. More and more, I'm finding that I simply must persevere yet, give up.
Yup...persevere yet, give up.
What?! How does this work? I guess what I'm trying to say is that one of the best ways that I can get through the crazy times that happen often is to simply keep working. Yet in the midst of that work, I must know going in that somehow, something is going to go awry and when it does, I have to just accept it, let it go and just keep going.
Persevere and then give up.
Nice. That makes a lot of sense right?!
But it's true. If I just give up in the beginning and embrace the absolute insanity that surrounds me then we'll all get swallowed up by it. No one will be in charge. Instead of me running the home, it will be running me and all of us know that this is NOT the place to be. And at that point, it's very, very difficult to keep a good perspective and a good attitude. Because regardless of what I think or feel, that's what I'm responsible to do, no matter what the children are doing around me.
But if I can't accept the craziness and know that ten things are going to go wrong and maybe only two right, while I'm trying to get a task done, then I've lost it all together. There has to be room for error. There has to be room for mistakes. There has to be room for sin, including mine (especially in the attitude area).
There has to be room for LIFE.
Because really, that's all that it is. It's just life. And it's mine. And I better get cheerful quick, even when I'm feeling tired or discouraged. If I'm being honest, good ole caffeine or a really hard run usually help a bit at this point too.
Yet seriously, even though I think having a beautiful, perfect home and life would simply be wonderful sometimes, you know what's even worse?
Silence. Perfection. Suffocation.
Nobody lives in perfect homes. It's all just pretend anyway.
I want life. I want love. I want grace. I want laughter.
And if that means that I have to work my tail off and yet learn to simply give it all up. So be it. It doesn't make sense, yet it makes all the sense in the world.
Persevere and then give up.
Easier said than done.
Maybe by the time they're all grown up, I'll finally get it.
"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."