The Celebration

Aaaahhhh...some quiet.  Some respite.  Some time to WRITE!  I feel like I've been lacking in any time to write a coherent thought these days.  And every time I think about sitting down, the guilt of not writing sets in and tells me to put it off another day.

But alas, today I am determined.  The big boys are at the baseball field playing, the little people are sleeping, the husband is in a meeting and my house is perfectly still.  This may only last for five more minutes but, I am going to take advantage of the quiet as long as I can!

Us with the diploma.  Since it was such an odd and huge size, we had to get it custom framed.  Worth it.  Turned out beautiful.

This last month has been a whirlwind.  A whirlwind of Steve graduating from Texas A & M, the boys finishing out the school year, Steve graduating another class of seniors, parent/child illnesses, having fun outside, getting used to the summer routine, saying good-bye to some best friends who have moved across the country and best of all...putting on the biggest, best graduation party we could to honor Steve finishing up his masters.

Just as the party is getting started and sun is beginning to wane...a little glimpse.

Truth be told, that is what took most of time.  Yup, the graduation celebration.  It was seriously the perfect night.  Whenever I think about it, I smile from ear to ear.  There are a few days that stand out to us over the last eleven years as special days.  Of course, the births of our children are up there.  But this night ranks right up there with the best of them.

Let me tell you a little bit about it.

My sister-in-law captured this and called it the "Pic of the Night."  I quite agree!  Steve told me that there haven't been many nights when he's been happier.  

I started planning this party months in advance.  Seriously.  Months.  It was one of the things that kept me going during that last semester of thesis and the final push/last class.  I kept thinking, "Ooooh, I will incorporate that into the party."  Or, "We need to have that at the party."  It was like planning Christmas in July.  I kept a running list of all of my ideas.  It was so much fun and kept my eyes on the prize.

My Daddy and me.  His beautiful backyard was the setting of the party.

As graduation got closer, there were moments when we seriously considered flying out to Texas and having Steve walk.  Especially when we found out he was graduating with honors and was inducted into Phi Kappa Phi etc.  It was so hard to keep getting emails regarding all the graduation honors dinners, ceremonies and not be going!  But the price tag was too high for all of us to attend.  So we kept telling ourselves, "We're going to throw a huge party instead and it will be the perfect celebration!"

And it was truly perfect.  Okay, I didn't have time to do my hair beforehand but other than that, it all went so incredibly well!  God blessed us.  We couldn't have asked for a better night.

One of the things that made the night perfect was the people who attended.  Of course I would've loved to invite the world!  But we had limited space and even more limited parking so, we had to work with it.  The guests were amazing though.  We had friends who drove hours to be there.  Some were very pregnant, some literally in the middle of a huge cross-country move, others in the throes of med school.  Some like my little brother, came from the other end of the state.  A lot of Steve's family drove from the Bay Area or took precious time off work.  And many of our local friends, who have lots of little kids, had to get babysitters which is expensive and can be difficult!  So our guests blessed us tremendously by just being there.  And we were so grateful!  It was a great group!

Everyone mingling

Best buddy Andy, as the party is just getting started.

Appetizers

Here are some of the decorations.  One of the things that was really important to me was incorporating Steve's work into the party.  I didn't think everyone would want a replay of his thesis presentation but, I did think they might wonder what a Masters in Mathematics really might look like.  So I got out his old notebooks full of problems he had worked out over the years and I used those pages to decorate.  I made bulletin boards out of them, I made table runners, and his textbooks became the centerpieces.

Bulletin board of scratch work with family pictures

Family pics in the trees

So.much.fun.  These little elements gave a personal touch to all of the decorations. I also incorporated as many family pictures as I could.  I just stole the framed pictures from my own walls, tied them up with some ribbon and then hung them in the trees.  The pictures and the pom poms made the whole night really festive and perfect.  I am not crafty.  Truly, I am NOT.  And I am cheap.  Most of the decorations I either had lying around my house (the mason jars, math stuff, etc...) or I got them at the Dollar Store.  So I was pretty proud and relieved with how it all turned out.  

Table runners, luminaries and cloth napkins tied with one of Maxwell's Equations

Steve's spot with good ole Maxwell at this side!

I also had a ton of help prior to the party, the day of setting up and during the party as well.  Both my mom and Steve's mom watched the children for me so that I could get errands done the week before.  Both of my brothers helped BBQ the sausages.  My sister-in-law and a friend took pictures.  Steve's sister helped me set-up beforehand and finish with all of the final push stuff like getting the kids dressed.  Unbelievable!  My parents cleaned and prepared their house for tons of guests.  Friends and family prepared appetizers and donated tables and chairs.  One friend spent an afternoon helping me make pom poms.  Another got me all of the linens for free from a contact she had.  Other friends drove from really far away.  The list goes on and on.  And I'm still forgetting someone, I know it!  All of the help we had was amazing.  And we were so grateful!

Pete going strong on the BBQ

The lights that made the party look amazing!  Those lights were a labor of love.  My Dad, Steve and my brother Pete spent two hours that day hanging them up.

Guests listening to me give a history of the masters.  How we got started and some of the highlights from the last three and a half years.

Our oldest, taking in the diploma.

Guests enjoying dinner and each other.  I was really intent on assigned seating.  I felt it would really add to the night so that people would know where to go and who to sit with.  Most people commented what a fun time they had at their table.

Probably one of the most special parts of the night though, came in the speeches.  After I gave my little History of the Masters, I let the guests eat a bit and then I gave some stats from the Masters.  A little history in numbers you might say.  That was something I had worked on for months.  I approximated how many cups of coffee he probably bought at Starbucks (about 688) or how many hours he spent studying (about 2128 hours), etc...It was really fun to bring our guests into our world over the last three and a half years through those stats.  That was one of my favorite parts.  Steve had no idea I was doing it either which made it even more fun.      

Nathan and me giving the stats.

But even more special were the speeches.  One of Steve's best friends and fellow MV colleague, gave him a beautiful speech honoring him for his hard work.  Seriously made me cry.  So beautiful.

Devin giving his speech.

 Then one of Steve's best friends from Cal Poly got up and read a poem he had written to Steve.  Amazing.  I pretty much lost it at that point.  So, so special.

Andy's poem

And then, the most special of all, is that Steve got up and gave me a thank you speech for all of the hard work, for the encouragement, and for believing in him.  I'll never forget him saying, "While I was out solving these massive, difficult, extremely intricate math problems, Nikki was solving every other problem around me so that I was free to do what God has built me to do."  I'll never forget those words to me-ever.

Steve thanking me for being his biggest fan and support during it all.  To me, it was a pleasure to see him fly.

 After all of the speeches, guests were dismissed to watch a slide show put together by one of our buddies here at Monte Vista, while the cake was being cut.  I'll try and get that slide show up on the blog soon.  It was so perfect and really captured the journey we had been on and all that God had helped us accomplish.

Our favorite cake in the world with Maxwell on it.  A perfect ending to a perfect night.

It was a beautiful, incredible, God honoring, Steve-celebrating kind of night.  I wouldn't have changed one thing.  From the babysitters who helped watch our children, to the shuttle drivers helping people get parked, every detail seemed to go off without a hitch.  And most of all, my husband felt totally and completely blessed beyond measure.

Thankful for these past three and a half years.  Thankful for the Masters.  Thankful  to God for blessing us through the difficulties and the seemingly endless journey with love, perseverance, a sense of humor and grace that could only come from Him.

Congrats Steve!  We love you.  You ran the race well...looking forward to all God is going to bring through your hard work.

Thankful.



  

The Graduate

Tomorrow morning at 11 am Texas time, we will have a graduate of Texas A & M University!

Stephen Michael Dauphin

MS Computational Mathematics

Magna Cum Laude

Phi Kappa Phi

It's been 3 and a half years.  Thirty-six units.  11 classes.  10 A's, 1 B.

When he started, our family looked like this-



As he's finishing, our family looks like this-




Two babies born during or right after finals.

Elliana Grace Dauphin, June 25, 2010
Laptop and books in the background.  Elle born during Summer Session 1.

And....

Nathan Daniel Dauphin, August 9th 2012


Born two days post finals for Mr. Nathy.


It's been quite an expensive undertaking.  The equivalent to a downpayment on a house.  Somehow God has provided the money over the years.  We've also sold lots (thousands) of cookies/brownies for spending money :)!

Over two thousand hours of studying at Starbucks and over three hundred Saturdays, not to mention the many week nights spent out studying.

These are just the highlights.

God has given the success.  God has granted the blessings.

God has given us the will to fight and carry on.

Besides our children, this is the hardest thing we've fought for in our near eleven years of marriage.

Thankful today that it has come to a close.  Excited to see what God will do with it in the years to come.

These verses have been on my heart for the last three years:

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you....Thus says the Lord, who makes a way in the sea, a path in the mighty waters...Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.  Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:2, 16, 18-19

A new thing...a path through the sea...remember not the past, strive toward the future.  God is making a way in the wilderness.

Trust and carry on.

This has been a special chapter of our lives.  A good chapter.

And God has been the author of it all, for He is the One who writes our story.

These words have become so dear to me.  Spoken to me by my husband.  Written by the scientist who inspired his thesis project.  A perfect enumeration of our journey (already quoted on this blog, but I had to repost)...
 
Trust me Spring is very near
All the buds are swelling
All the glory of the year
In those buds is dwelling

What the open buds reveal
Tell us life is flowing
What the buds still shut, conceal
We shall end in knowing

Long I lingered in the bud
Doubting of the season
Winter's cold had chilled my blood
I was ripe for treason

Now no more I doubt or wait
All my fears are vanished
Summer's coming dear though late,
Fogs and frosts are banished

-James Maxwell 

Truly thankful and truly proud today!!

Gig'em Aggies...thanks for a great ride!

Off the Grid

Yes, I'm still alive.  I'm here.  I've just been off the grid for awhile.  There hasn't been one particular reason-more like many.  Little League baseball is consuming much of my spare time.  My husband just wrapped up his masters last week and I've been planning an event for the kids' school that took place yesterday.  Yet truth be told, I really just needed a little mental break to think, stew and well, catch my breath a little.  But I'm coming back...

Yup...those are some of the reasons.

But other than that, life is going along pretty swimmingly.

Speaking of baseball, we are in full swing here.  There is Giants baseball on the radio at night while the children are falling asleep.  We can hear cheers from the kids' bedroom when Buster Posey hits a home run.  And sometimes, when we go to tuck kids in before we go to bed, our oldest will sleepily pop his head over the side of the bed and whisper, "Daddy, they went into extra innings, but they still won!"

He is die hard at only seven.  Cracks me up.

So you can imagine that he's been pretty excited to actually play baseball.  He is on a pretty good team.  Lots of atheletes and lots of wins so far.  However, as much as Isaac loves the game itself, he is still quite a novice player, and he's one of the youngest on the team.  So there have been many lessons he's been learning.

One such character lesson has come with hitting.  When the season started, he was doing just fine.  For all of the practice games he got hits and only struck out once or twice.  That was when the coach was pitching to them.  But then, at the first regular season game, they hauled out the pitching machine and he was the first one at bat.  The ball comes a lot faster on the pitching machine.

He struck out.  And every at bat after that (there were MANY as there are lots of games per week), he could not get a single hit.  During practice he could hit, but at the games, when it really counted, he couldn't do it for some reason.  Part of it was probably mental and with the pitching machine, the ball was coming much faster.

Now mind you, we were in the throes of thesis prepping and finishing up A & M so, as much as Steve could, he practiced with him, but he couldn't do as much as he wanted to due to a lack of time.  So at every game, Steve and I would watch him march up to the plate, try his hardest, and miss every single time.

It was so heartbreaking for me.  Not because I care about him being a stud athelete but, because I knew how badly he wanted to get a hit.  And it's something that I could not do anything about or do for him.  He had to do it.  And he had to deal with it and man-up when he missed.  Plain and simple.  It wasn't anything I could fix.

We continued to encourage him and I'm so proud of him that his attitude stayed really positive.  There weren't any tantrums or tears.  He just kept marching up there and trying.

Last week he got a couple of foul tips.  He still struck out, but he got a piece of the ball.  After the game, he came running up to Steve and me yelling, "Did you see my foul tips??!"  Precious kid.  So excited to have foul tipped the ball!  He got his optimism from his Dad for sure!

Then on Saturday, we went out to his game expecting it to be just like the others.  The first few times at bat, it was the same routine.  Two strikeouts.  Yet the third time, on the last pitch of the count, he hit the ball.

Crack...

He excitedly sprinted as fast as he could toward first base.  As he approached the plate, he saw the first baseman catch the ball, so he slid.

It was an awkward slide, let me tell you.  His feet came up over his head and his helmet somehow came off in the tangle-up.  In fact, the whole crowd kinda held their breath to see if he would be getting up sans tears.

Yet he jumped to his feet, knew he was out, and ran back to the dugout.

Phew...he wasn't hurt.  Like I said, it was a bit touch-and-go there.  It was quite a little slide.

But while the next batter was batting, Steve was called out of the stands by one of the coaches and the first thought in my mind was, "Okay, he did get hurt.  Let's hope the damage is small."

After a few minutes Steve came back with a proud smile on his face.  I had no idea what had transpired so I asked if Isaac was all right.  He smiled with that smile I know so well...the one where he is holding his emotions in check, and answered that he was fine.

Evidently the coach had seen him crying after his slide and had assumed he was hurt.  So he went to see how he was doing and asked him if he was okay.  Without skipping a beat Isaac answered, "I'm okay.  I'm not hurt.  I'm just so happy I hit the ball.  I got a hit.  I'm just so happy."

The coach had just wanted to tell Steve that.

Both of us had this mixture of awe, pride and happiness for our oldest.  No complaining about getting out.  Just happy he'd gotten the opportunity to try and take first base.  He had been waiting many games for that.

Many.

Later, Steve asked him about the slide and why he had tried to slide like that.  Isaac answered quite emphatically, "DAD, come on.  I saw the guy catch the ball, knew I was going to be out, so I thought, I'll just try and knock him over like they do in the pros, and maybe the ball will come loose."

After Steve stopped chuckling (he had held his laughter back) he reminded Isaac that no only did the first baseman have at least twenty pounds on him but, that rule was only in effect for home plate, and really only for much more experienced baseball players.

Too much Giants baseball on the radio at night you think?

Anyhow, that's what we've been up to.  Baseball, rearing children, wrapping up a huge chapter of our lives with Steve finishing up at A & M, and catching our breath.

It's good to be back...

Thesis, Random Musings, The Gospel, and the Final Stretch

A major mountain was climbed today.  My husband jumped the last hurdle in sight to obtain his MS in Computational Mathematics from Texas A & M University by successfully defending his thesis.  Now all that remains are a few assignments in his last grad school class of Computational Linear Algebra.  He graduates the first week of May.

The presentation went really well.  The professors loved it.  They said he did exceptional.  Maxwell's Equations was not an easy topic to research so they were impressed.  All in all, it was the best of the best.

I knew he would do fine.  He had already submitted a few drafts to his committee chair and the feedback was good.  I knew it was simply a question of presenting the material.  Yet for some reason, the bigness of it all still hasn't hit me.

That was it.  That was the last big mountain.  All of the years of studying, and studying, and studying.  The endless, empty Saturdays.  The many week nights with him gone.  The never-ending pressure.  All of it, has culminated to this point and he did well.  Really, super well.

You know when a major life event passes by and you almost can't taste it because it's too surreal?  That's me right now.  It's too surreal to grasp.  I know the implications of this degree are huge for him, for us and for our family.  I just don't know how they're all going to play out.

These last three and a half years have squeezed out all of the fight in us.  This journey hasn't been the hardest one we'll ever face.  But, it's definitely been the most enduring one we've had so far.  Never before have we had to have such focus, such perseverance, such overwhelming grace and such teamwork!  

Yet like God always does, He's shown Himself in all the details.  

This journey has been of upmost importance to my husband.  He needed this.  It was exactly the path he needed to travel.  And I've been honored, absolutely honored to walk by his side.  Never before have I been so proud of anyone.

Some people have wondered how I could take care of all of the kids and at the same time be happy that my husband was out studying all the time.  And I have to answer, I don't know.  It doesn't make sense.  You'd think I would be frustrated and angry that he was gone chasing his dreams while I was stuck with all the work at home.  That's how it seemed anyway.  But to be honest, I didn't feel that way.

There were times I felt overwhelmed.  There were times I was frustrated.  And there were times I just wanted him to be done.  But, I knew from the get-go that his success would rise and fall with my attitude.  And I also knew that I loved him and was sold out for him.  I'd do anything for him.  And that right there is what kept me going.

The more I saw him succeed, the more I was encouraged to continue.  And the more God blessed his feet on this path, the more I let go of myself.

Awhile back our pastor was preaching through a passage (sorry I can't remember which one) and the topic of marriage/submission was being discussed.  He talked about submission as a woman being sold out for her husband's mission in life.  And as he talked, it became more and more clear to me that this journey toward Steve's MS has been exactly that.  God has made my husband to do math.  It's who he is.  And as his literature loving wife, I love him, math nerd and all.  I'm sold out for what makes him Steve.  I'm all in.  

Also, for years Steve built such love in me by cultivating grace, forgiveness and kindness.  So when it was time to start writing checks from my bank account, he had already filled the coffers full.  It was a no-brainer.  Of COURSE I would be sold out.  Of course.  Why wouldn't I be?  I am in love with this man.  I know he'd give his life for me.  Why wouldn't I step into this role so that he could pursue his dreams?  How silly to even think otherwise.   

But you see, it didn't start with me.  It started with him.  He had already laid the groundwork.  He had made it possible for me to step into that role.  It was a natural progression for me.  And it was truly an incredible blessing.

All of that got me thinking about Christ and the passage, "We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19  That is the gospel.  

Christ loved us.  Christ died for us.  Christ laid down everything for us to have salvation.  Christ saved us.  

But He loved us first.  And then, because of that love, we could respond with love for Him.  Without Him loving us, there would be no redemption.  There would be no grace.  There would be no forgiveness.

I haven't done anything extraordinary.  I've only done what anyone else, who was deeply loved, would do for their beloved.  God has provided the rest.  

So here we are...just a couple hundred yards left to run.  The glory of the finish is well within reach and the success of a race run well, is riding at our back.  To say we've done it on our own would be an understatement.  God has done it.  And He provided lots of support from family and friends along the way.  Looking back, none of it makes sense.  How could we possibly drag a family of seven through full-time work, full-time grad school and make it out intact?  Only God could orchestrate such beauty, such grace, and such perseverance.  But we've also labored, and run with muscles straining, trusting that God was with us.  And because of that, we prepare to celebrate.  Celebrate God's faithfulness.  Celebrate God's favor.  Celebrate God's goodness.

And as we look back on this chapter of our lives, we will look back with extreme fondness.  God enabled us to run this race well, with the wind at our back.  It's humbling, it's overwhelming and it's good.

Thanking God today for all He's done.

To Him be the glory.  Amen and amen!  

A Eulogy

There has been somewhat of a reason for my silence here.  It's true that there is a lot going on making life busy with Steve presenting his thesis project in less than two weeks.  But really, that's not the main reason.  I haven't had many words because a week ago Wednesday, my last grandparent, my beloved Yia Yia, died.  And every time I sat to write, I didn't really have much to say.  I also wasn't ready to post about it on the world wide web.  Now that a bit of time has passed and we've laid her to rest, I feel more ready.  She had lived a long life.  She had alzheimer's and had pretty much lost much of her memory a few years ago now.

But I still loved her, very, very much.

It was difficult for me to visit.  Part of it was logistical due to distance, lots of kids and a busy husband.  But a big part of it was because I could hardly bear to see her. When she was well she had such a vibrant personality.  Yet when the disease really began to take over four-five years ago now, it was so hard to see her slip into a veil of confusion without her spark lighting up her eyes.  I was no longer her little Nik.  I was a stranger.  I could hardly bear it.

All of us grandkids were asked to write some words about her.  My brothers and cousins wrote beautiful eulogies to her.  She was that special.  Truthfully, I was really blessed with such special grandparents on both sides.  All of them loved me so much and contributed to my life in many ways.

There was something about her being the last one though.  And her death was somewhat sudden.  These two things coupled together made it all rather difficult for me to bear.  Since I hadn't been to see her since the summer, I had the opportunity to drive up and see her one last time before she was taken away to be prepared for her funeral.  At first I wasn't sure if I should go or not.  I obviously hadn't made it before she died since it was unexpected.  Yet in the end I decided to do it.  And I was so blessed I did.

My older brother and his wife were there too (along with my parents, my uncle and one of my cousins).  But in the room when I got to see her, it was just my brother, his wife and me for some time.  We cried together, told stories about her, honored her and looked at her as she lay there so beautiful.  All the traces of the disease that had wracked her body and mind for so long, had passed away.  She was at peace, in the arms of God.

So this is for my Yia Yia-a eulogy.

My Yia Yia was one of the best women I've ever known.  She taught me so much about life through her stories about the old country (Greece) and World War 2, her experiences having immigrated to America, her heartaches and triumphs while making a life for her family here in the states, and her determination to laugh regardless of what came in her path.  To me, she had perfected the balance of determination and joy, which is a balance much sought after but not easily attained.  But she had it down and it flowed out of her into her life, infusing her family and friends with an abundance of love and her own dose of spunk.  That spunk is what helped her to endure well the many curveballs thrown at her during her life.  She believed in laughter and loyalty.  And even more that that, she had faith that God was with her no matter what.  To her it was that simple-laughter, loyalty, love and faith.  These are the things she taught me from a very young age.
    

I have so many memories of her and so many things to be thankful that she showed me.  Much of my early years were spent in her loving care.  I can still picture her making my brother and me Spaghetti O's in the back kitchen at the liquor store she and my Pa Pou owned for many years.  Many happy weekends were spent there with her making cardboard boxes come alive into trains and her training us to work the cash register like big boys and big girls.  She always rewarded us with an Its It and a trip "shopping" around the store (as long as we asked Pa Pou first if it was okay).  At night we lay snuggled up close against her back in bed while she told us stories of Greece, her family that she left behind, the earthquake they had barely survived and various Bible stories that were her own "special versions."  I can hear her voice lulling me to sleep and even in my thirties, those memories bring such a warmth to my heart.

 

My Yia Yia was someone I was very proud of.  Growing up, due to her living in a small village and because of the war, she didn't have the opportunity to have much of an education yet, when she moved to the US, she taught herself English and how to read and write.  She worked hard to become a US citizen.  And whatever work she was given, whether it was cleaning houses or ironing other peoples' clothes, she did it with pride.  I can still hear her voice when I make a bed, "Spread the sheet, just like this Nikki..." or when I make a meal, "Now you take a little jar and mix the milk with the flour...".  She was an incredibly hard worker.  And even though her work was laborious for most of her life, she flourished because she had joy.  She had learned the secret to joy-life is hard, but God is with us.  What more did she need?  What more do any of us need?

 

One thing my Yia Yia was an absolute expert at was people.  She was a people magnet.  Everywhere she went, she made friends.  My Pa Pou was a good businessman, but she was the lifeblood of their store because her personality and friendliness brought costumers coming back from all over the east bay for years.  Everyone knew her and loved her, and she was giving to everyone she came in contact with.  I knew she was special to others.  But I also knew she was mine.  And her being my Yia Yia was something I will be proud of my whole life. 

    

I can still hear her infectious laugh ringing through the halls of her house.  I will never forget that sound.  And I will never forget her because much of who she is has been emblazoned on my heart, much of what she has taught me lives on in my daily life, and I'm thankful that I can pass her wisdom, her spunk, her determination and her joy onto my own children.  Her faith and her faithfulness will endure for many generations.  That is the greatest gift she could've given to me-faithfulness.  Well done, Yia Yia and thank you.  You've run your race well.  We will miss you but are thankful you are free.  I'll love you forever...pandote kai pandote.