It's been quite a week for me. I came home from our anniversary weekend away so rested and recharged. I felt ready to tackle a bunch of summer chores, enjoy the beginning of my husband's three weeks off from work and put the finishing touches on my training for the Wharf to Wharf 10K Run (which is today actually). Then Tuesday night I started getting the chills, Wednesday I felt pretty bad. Thursday it just got worse and when I finally acquiesced and took my temperature, it was 103. Since I'm still nursing the baby, I try to avoid any sort of medicine but in this case, I knew I had to do something. I called my OB's office to see what is okay to take while nursing and they said Tylenol. That helped bring the fever down temporarily and when it was down, I felt a bit better. But then the major cold symptoms started and I couldn't breathe through my nose or stop coughing. And the fever, well it's been going since Tuesday night and still hasn't broken (without medicine).
Okay, so this gives you a little picture. Definitely NOT how I thought my week was going to go. As I got closer to the weekend and I wasn't getting better, my hopes of still running today began to fade. I could hardly walk to the bathroom without having a coughing fit, how could I think I could run in my condition? But I went to the doctor anyway on Friday just to make sure there wasn't anything else I could do. I don't have a primary care doctor and we just switched insurances so I just saw the urgent care doctor. She was nice enough. But she literally laughed in my face when I asked if I could still run if I was feeling better come Sunday. I had to ask. I've only been training for this race for months and have run hundreds of miles in the process. I've also wanted to run this particular race since I was in high school and all of the years that we've lived up here so far I've either been pregnant or just had a baby and I couldn't do it. This was the first year it worked out. So, I couldn't just give up without a bit of a fight. Although deep down, I knew I wouldn't make it even if I tried.
So what does all this moping have to do with anything? Well, this last week has gotten me to think about a lot of things. Mostly because I have been sitting around doing nothing and just watching life go by. First of all, I really take my good health for granted. How easily we can get sidelined. And really, my bad case of the flu is nothing compared to people who are REALLY sick. You know, like those people who are battling terminal cancer, injuries from accidents or any life threatening disease. These people are sick all the time and there doesn't seem to be an end. I felt so overwhelmed when I wasn't feeling better after five days. Five days! What's wrong with me? I have the discipline and tenacity to push my body to train for a measly 10K but I don't have the discipline to train my heart to deal with adversity that I don't choose or desire! When pushed even a little in this area, I cave. Where is my tenacity then? Where is my perspective?
Also, nothing is concrete. I plan to do many things but often, other events get in the way and that's okay. I can order my life as best as I please but, I can't change what actually happens. Other thoughts assailed me...Do I think much of the shut-ins, the elderly or the infirm? I am still going crazy that I haven't been outside and it's not been very long at all. What about the people who never go outside for years? Truly, this wasn't a huge trial or anything but rather a time God carved out for me to just think about things a bit and get a perspective adjustment. Unfortunately, I need them often.
My husband is always trying to encourage me to be positive, think the best and to be joyful regardless my circumstances. I usually tend to be much more pessimistic (I would say "realistic" ha ha). This last week I really tried to heed his continual advice to me and remember that these things are small because really, they are. In the grand scheme of things, I'll be moving around just fine in a few days and I can always run another race. Yet I also had to remember that it's all right for me to be disappointed as long as that disappointment is balanced with good perspective. I shed a few tears when the race started this morning. But that was it and then I finished helping the boys get ready for church. I noticed this time that having a different perspective also helped me to be genuinely happy when my running buddy called me to let me know how it all went and what her time was. She had her best time yet of 52 minutes! I was really proud of her and know that if I could've been there, I would've been right on her heels. Maybe next year!
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