Friday, May 13, 2011

The Fog is Lifting

Every time I have a baby, a fog ensues in my head and really in my life. And with the successive addition of each one, the fog has stuck around just a tad longer. I wouldn't describe this fog as a funk but rather fuzziness. It's as if I'm trying to press on but I just can't really see where I'm going. And predictably, after awhile, the sand trudging can get tiresome.

Yet there are some really good things about being in the fog. One great thing is that since you can't see but a few feet or so in front of you so, all you do is live in the moment and put one foot in front of the other. Never mind a few months from now, survive till dinner. Okay, that's easy (enough). I can do that. Life becomes simple and the important things very clear.

The other great thing about the fog is that since it's so fuzzy out, things tend to slow down a bit. More responsibility and less visibility equals an inevitable push on the brakes. Caution takes over and the innate urge to burrow in for the winter overcomes all else. This instinct is good. We were designed to need rest. When our loads are heavy, God tells us to take His load for it is easy and He'll trudge through with ours high on His back. This gives us just enough reprieve to keep pattering through the sand.

But you can only live in the fog for so long. Ultimately it's confusing and cold. And after awhile of being socked in, I find myself longing for it to lift so that I can feel drenched in the warmth of the sun again and leave the gray monotony behind.

It's almost been a year, the longest fog I've experienced so far, but the fog is finally beginning to lift. I'm starting to feel like I can watch the horizon for little glimpses of the emerging sun and not just stare down at the shell-ridden sand to keep my feet from tripping. Life has its seasons. They're all good. Some are harder than others. This season hasn't been extremely horrible, just foggy, and at times confusing and tricky.

Hear me, I don't particularly hate the fog...I just relish in the warmth of the sun when it peeks through. Because I know, the fog has to lift sometime and when it does, the contrast of the sun will be brilliant.

Right now, I see rays. I don't have everything organized. I can't remember everything I'm supposed to. I'm still struggling to schlep everyone through the day with a good attitude and smile on my face. And most nights I crawl into bed spent from a very full day.

But yet...I can see the sun. I can see it! And I've been here before. I know...

The fog is rolling back-slowly but surely. Before I know it, I'm going to be surrounded by the most breathtaking scenery. And instead of merely forcing myself forward, I'll be able to breathe in my surroundings, drink in the beauty and thank God for His help. The best part is that as it lifts, I get to see just how far God has taken us, when all I could see before was the swirling gray.

It's a time for rejoicing! As I see the world afresh, the lifting fog spurs something deep within that causes me to want to worship.

O Lord my God. When I in awesome wonder. Consider all the worlds thy hands have made.
I see the stars. I hear the rolling thunder. Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul! My savior God to thee! How Great Thou Art. How Great Thou Art!

Then sings my soul! My savior God to thee! How Great Thou Art. How Great Thou Art!

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