"When it comes to parenting, you have often heard me say that our parental responsibility does not consist in getting young people to grit their teeth and conform to the standard. The task before us is to bring up our children in such a way as to love the standard. This is not possible to do with externally driven rules. It is a function of loyalty, and loyalty is based on love and relationship." Doug Wilson
This was a great little missive on parenting. I haven't been parenting for very long but the more I do, the more this sort of thing makes sense to me. We can force our kids into obedience for sure...but for how long? And doesn't Christ say, "If you love me, you'll obey my commandments."? Isn't that our goal in training--to get them to want to obey because they love us and are loyal to us?
How is this accomplished?? How do we get our kids to love the standard that we've set and not just woodenly adhere to it?
I guess that's the whole point of Doug's post-loyalty and relationship. This whole idea challenges me tremendously-seriously it does. I'm a rules person. I like my rules and I stick to them. Although consistency is a huge part of parenting well (at least from my very little experience), it's not the whole picture. It can't be. There has to be more to the equation...there's simply too many variables.
I don't necessarily know how to get there or what it all looks like. But I pray for wisdom in this. Because I think the whole point is that we want their hearts, not just their good behavior.
Our pastor always uses this analogy in parenting: Clean the whole cup...the inside as well as the outside.
Challenging and good. And great for rule followers like me. Check it out.
I am Nikki Dauphin, wife to Steve since July 2002, and mom to four boys and one little girl. Currently my husband is pursuing his PhD in mathematics, so as you can imagine, with five kids in tow, there are many adventures to behold! I'm learning how to raise a brood of boys and one precious princess, be a homemaker, how to be a lovely wife to my handsome and dashing husband and how to love those around me. Stop and stay awhile. Family stories, recipes, musings on life and lessons I'm learning are all a part of this blog. I love the life I've been given and thank God for His many blessings.
Steve-My amazing, fix-it, brilliant, math-loving, puzzle-solving husband is a Math PhD student pursuing his graduate degree through Colorado State University. He is also a Year Round Graduate Intern for Sandia National Labs researching and working on projects related to national security and preparing for his dissertation. We met at Cal Poly, SLO and were married in 2002. Seriously, he's my best friend.
Isaac-Laughter. My precious firstborn. Blue-eyed, blondie, logical, lefty. Particular, orderly, courageous, funny, and intelligent. Sees the world in patterns, numbers, colors and shapes. My first son. My joy.
Caleb-Brave. My mischevious secondborn. Brown-haired, coal-eyed, soldier. Needs explanations about how the world works. "Mathy", inquisitive, architectural and mechanical. Silly, passionate, tough, long-suffering and smart. My second son. My love.
Joshua-Saved by the Lord. My irreplaceable thirdborn. Bubbly, gregarious, social and playful. Loves to be surrounded by his family. Cuddly, kissable, chubby and charming. Life of the party, full of joy, overflowing with humor and laughter. My third son. My light.
Elliana-The Lord Has Heard. My long-awaited daughter. Petite, dark-eyed, beauty. Strong, coordinated, cheeky and spunky. Sharp as a tack and a flitting socialite. Loved by every member of her family. My fourth born. My only daughter. My treasure.
Nathan-God Has Given. My fourth son. Yet, it never gets old. My youngest little gift. Gentle, strong, sweet, angelic. Blonde and light-eyed. Littlest of them all but full of life and love. My fifth born. My littlest man. God's given. My gift.
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