|Big brother wanted to dance with his pretty baby sister!|
|Woken up too early for a Valentine's Date with Daddy!|
Inside I wanted to complain to someone. I wanted to whine that I already had plans and waiting at the baseball field wasn't on my list of things to do that morning. But my little seven-year-old has been waiting to play little league baseball for the last two years. He loves baseball. During baseball season, he listens to as many games as he can on the radio often falling asleep to the announcers calling the game. I knew I had to put myself aside and just do this for him. He couldn't be placed on a team unless we showed up.
So we waited.
|We'll have to work on those moves :)|
When we had been there about two hours, Isaac came up to me choking back tears and said, "Mommy, this isn't very much fun." He wasn't being bratty, he was just disappointed. He thought he was going to play baseball and instead of getting to play, he was constantly told to stay out of the way while the big kids played. He thought that little league was going to be like that all of the time. I held him close to me, told him I understood what he meant but that this was just a silly day, it wasn't going to be like this once he was on a team and that mommy didn't like to wait either but we had to.
|My oldest is getting so big and handsome ...almost too much for me to bear.|
There was definitely a voice inside whispering that this wasn't my job, that Steve should be there with all of the kids and I should be at that tea! Sports is his area anyway. Because of the frustrating circumstances, I wanted to give in to it. But I've been down that road before...it's poison. And that poison can take all of us out quick. So I fought it. No, this is OUR choice. This is the way it has to be for just a little bit longer. We're almost done. Yes, it was messing with my plans, but God knew that. This is what God had for me today. As a parent, my needs/desires come last, that's just the way it is. I'm a grown-up now. This is my responsibility and not anyone else's.
|Valentine's workshop...this kid kills me-enough said.|
I dropped the kids off with grandparents, had some lunch in town with my parents (which revived me a bit) and then drove home. My attitude was doing better but my spirit was tired. I quietly prepared for our Sabbath meal coming that evening and soaked in the still house as the little ones slept. Right before dinner we picked up Steve from studying and then all sat down. When it came time in the liturgy for Steve to talk about me, he went to his backpack and got his notebook out. Being an unusual move, I had no idea what he was doing.
|Our architect at work|
Trust me Spring is very near
All the buds are swelling
All the glory of the year
In those buds is dwelling
What the open buds reveal
Tell us life is flowing
What the buds still shut, conceal
We shall end in knowing
Long I lingered in the bud
Doubting of the season
Winter's cold had chilled my blood
I was ripe for treason
Now no more I doubt or wait
All my fears are vanished
Summer's coming dear though late,
Fogs and frosts are banished
-James Maxwell (A poem written to his wife)
Steve didn't write those words but James Maxwell did (the guy he is doing his thesis on). Who ever said mathematicians can't be poets?? I hadn't even been able to tell Steve much about our disappointing day. But I needed to hear those words. God knew I needed them.
|The One my Heart Loves|
All the buds are swelling.
The tears slid down my cheeks.
Summer's coming dear though late
Fogs and frosts are banished.
He then reminded me that we were so close and he was so proud of me. I needed that encouragement. I needed him to acknowledge the fact that my muscles were straining and even seeming to fail in these last miles of the marathon. I needed him to understand that it wasn't always easy for me. Not because I needed to complain but simply because I needed him to know me.
It had been a long, weary day and it was hard for me to see past myself. But these words, from my left brained, mathy husband (written by a math genius) spoke to this right brained mama's heart and I knew-it had been hard. But I had been where I needed to be that day. And soon, this race would be run. There would be others but this one would be over.
Those words comforted me...God knows me. God cares. Steve knows me. Steve loves me. We're going to finish this well. And in that moment, God in His kindness, had reminded me of what was coming. And getting a glimpse of the impending spring was just the hope my weary soul needed to carry on.