Our World

We are in our own little world right now.  The husband has been working out of town and taking the car with him every day so, we've been hanging out at home.  And truth be told, I am loving it.  I know I'm not going anywhere so, we just float through the day.  No crazy commitments.  No places to be at certain times.  Total and complete simplicity.  It's great.

The kids are doing great with it too.  We've done a lot of playing outside, going to the pool, chores, baseball at the nearby field, and school work at the table.  No hurrying up to get out the door.  For a time, it's a nice pace.  We have plenty of time for all of that once school starts again.

I'm enjoying all of these precious kids a lot.  Elliana recently started drawing family pictures.  They totally crack me up.  On the first one she had missed someone so, this second one is a complete composite of all of us.  I didn't show her how to do it.  She just did those little figures with the faces all by herself.  Hilarious.  Daddy is smack dab in the middle.  Makes sense right?

 I am loving every minute with this cutie.  I can't believe we've had him for almost a whole year.  Everyday when I wake him up and he greets me with his whole body wriggling to get in my arms, I just melt.

He is so loved.  I smother him with kisses everyday.  All the rest of the kids do too.  Who says kids get lost in big families?  This kid has it good!!

 I mean, look at that cheeky little smile...cracks me up every single time.

My oldest is going to kill me later on in life for posting this picture.  But I had to.  It was just too funny.  Steve has been teaching Isaac a bit of guitar and so, he's been practicing-everywhere.  Poor kid though; we need to get some new strings for the guitars.  They're both missing strings.  Kinda hard to learn much when you don't have all the strings.

Speaking of killing me later, this hilarious kid is always dirty.  It's usually the result of making some sort of machine.  This time was no different.  He was experimenting with blowing dirt and what resulted was a Hitler-like mustache.  When I saw this, I had to grab my camera.  He had no idea how funny he looked.  I know it's bad form to joke about something like that but, sometimes I must laugh at my kids.  They're so funny without even trying.

As for funny, this kid is keeping us in stitches.  The other night at dinner he was being really funny but also totally disobedient.  My poor husband, instead of helping him out as he's trying to correct him, I just burst out laughing and couldn't stop.  I USUALLY don't do that, but it was too much.  Just too much.  Love that cutie.

So that's what is going on in our world.  Not that much.  But really a lot.  Hope you're enjoying your summer.  Ours is going along quite swimmingly.

All is Grace

Kim...this is for you.

A sweet friend came to visit today.  It had been some time.  She lives a few hours away and we've both been busy having kids or something.  Ha!  But anyway, I love catching up with old friends and today was no exception.  Of course, most of the time, the kids were running around and it was a bit difficult to keep the conversation fluid in between slips and falls, sibling fighting and little people wanting to tell their own stories, but somewhere in there, we got to catch up.  I loved seeing her beautiful face and hearing how she's doing.  She will always have a special place in my heart, that girl.

This friend of mine has two little ones.  Oh my, I remember those times.  People look at me with five children and think it must be so difficult.  I'm not going to lie, it is hard.  It's also easy too.  In fact, I think every part of parenting is hard, joyous and crazy all rolled into one.  But I remember two littles.  It's not easy.  In some respects is a free time with very little outside activities or school to attend.  But you have to do everything for them.  There aren't older ones there who can do most things for themselves and help with the others, mostly in the entertainment area.  My kids all play together.

And then that got me thinking about how when I started this whole parenting thing nearly eight years ago, I stepped out in faith.  Total and utter faith.  I had no idea how it would all turn out.  I didn't know (and still don't) if God will call me to bury one my own children, if they will grow up to be faithful, if they will love each other, or if they will succeed in the paths God will put them on.  It's all so risky.  And even more, it's really hard.

Just like love.

So often in our culture, if something is difficult, it must not be right.  We don't want pain.  We don't want difficulty.  We feel it's our right to be happy.

But that's not what God says.  He tells us, "Take up your cross!!"

"And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."  Luke 9:23

I'm sorry but, dragging a huge cross in pursuit of the Savior doesn't sound that easy to me.  It sounds heavy.  Yet in a strange "oxymoronic" way, this is the path to life.  For without us taking up our cross, we cannot love.  We cannot give.  We cannot have faith.  We cannot see how God works through our circumstances.  But we must be willing to bear the weight and pull.  And if we love Him, we will do it, and in the doing, it will be joy.  Not happiness, but joy.

That's how the last eight years have been for me.  This isn't about me.  I think it is sometimes.  But then I'm reminded.  Pull, Nikki.  Work, Nikki.  Put your head down and trust.  Loving those I've been given can be treacherous, dangerous, tiresome and even really monotonous.  Okay.  Yet over time, the joy that is produced far outweighs any fast and furious high I could find out there in the world that just ends in emptiness.

Loving others is hard.  Loving others is not loving yourself.  That's only leads to destruction.  Giving yourself away is what it's about.  That's when God comes in with His supernatural power and shows that it's All Grace anyway.

I want to be the best mom and do it all right.  But I'm not going to.  More than wanting to do it all right, I just need to be faithful.  Faithful to Christ, to my marriage, to my kids and those around me.  In that faithfulness, I have to embrace the hard work knowing that it's producing fruit in the short term and the long term.  And then, as I go, I have to remember...all is grace.  The fact that I even have my life, is grace.

All is grace.  All is grace.

Summertime

Well, we've fallen into the summer routine and it feels good.  Most mornings are a bit lazy.  We get up, do our chores, have breakfast and then the kids play a bit.  After that, we settle into some school time while Nathan naps.  The older two can track their work on their own now so there isn't as much management there.  I answer questions now and then and check work at the end.  But they are low maintenance.  Joshua needs the most attention as we prep for Kindergarten.  He is getting so much better at his printing and is starting to blend sounds together to form words.

Looking for the baby horses at Cal Poly

I am not a homeschooler and truly love having my kids attend an awesome classical christian school near us.  However, I have LOVED teaching my kids at home in addition to their school education and so far, I have wanted to be the one to initially teach them to read.  It's selfish really.  Their school does an amazing job backing me up.  But there is just something about seeing my child's eyes light up when they make the correlation between the sounds on the page and the word that they form.  So incredible.  A whole new world opens up to them!  Literacy is truly a blessing from God!  Seeing their little minds work is a gift.  Joshua has been no exception.  I am really enjoying him and school this summer, and am super pleased with his progress.

Once everyone has completed their bit of lessons for the day, they either jump on the trampoline or watch a short little movie while I get dressed and finish up any other things around the house like starting bread to rise or getting laundry loaded/switched.  Nathan usually is up before long (with a full house of kids it's hard for him to get a super long nap) and then we are off on some sort of outing or errand.

I love this pace.  It's so wonderful.  It's free.  It's "scheduled" yet, feels unscheduled.  It's not hurried.  And it's refreshing.

However, too much of this life won't work for me either.  There is something to summer being a season.  It's restful.  But when August rolls around, I am usually ready to start the year again.  Ready to put away the long, lazy days outside and exchange them for chillier weather, the holidays and the pressure of school (good kind of pressure that is).

They're all staring into the sun so no smiles...ha!

I've always loved school.  There is something magical about it to me.  So the fall is a good time.  A celebratory time.  A time to get back to learning and our routine-for all of us.

So I have been thinking about the seasons.  How will my kids remember summer?  Full of activity?  Excess extras?  Or just fun stuff like camping, playing outside all day, the pool and sometimes the beach (truth be told, I am horrible at getting my poor children to the beach and we only live 20 minutes away...I know it's pathetic...it's cleaning everyone up afterward by myself that is daunting; being there is great...when I don't have a baby someday, it'll be better).  I think that's how I want them to remember it...a muddled mess of math/cursive workbooks, mud, watering the garden, reading good books out loud, running to the store and getting a cookie from the bakery, and just all being together.  I love having them all home!

It's full.  It's active.  It's bursting!

It's life.

Summer is the perfect amount of rest needed to get through the rigors of life coming later in the year.

Summertime and the living is easy....sing it Ella!!

  

The Celebration

Aaaahhhh...some quiet.  Some respite.  Some time to WRITE!  I feel like I've been lacking in any time to write a coherent thought these days.  And every time I think about sitting down, the guilt of not writing sets in and tells me to put it off another day.

But alas, today I am determined.  The big boys are at the baseball field playing, the little people are sleeping, the husband is in a meeting and my house is perfectly still.  This may only last for five more minutes but, I am going to take advantage of the quiet as long as I can!

Us with the diploma.  Since it was such an odd and huge size, we had to get it custom framed.  Worth it.  Turned out beautiful.

This last month has been a whirlwind.  A whirlwind of Steve graduating from Texas A & M, the boys finishing out the school year, Steve graduating another class of seniors, parent/child illnesses, having fun outside, getting used to the summer routine, saying good-bye to some best friends who have moved across the country and best of all...putting on the biggest, best graduation party we could to honor Steve finishing up his masters.

Just as the party is getting started and sun is beginning to wane...a little glimpse.

Truth be told, that is what took most of time.  Yup, the graduation celebration.  It was seriously the perfect night.  Whenever I think about it, I smile from ear to ear.  There are a few days that stand out to us over the last eleven years as special days.  Of course, the births of our children are up there.  But this night ranks right up there with the best of them.

Let me tell you a little bit about it.

My sister-in-law captured this and called it the "Pic of the Night."  I quite agree!  Steve told me that there haven't been many nights when he's been happier.  

I started planning this party months in advance.  Seriously.  Months.  It was one of the things that kept me going during that last semester of thesis and the final push/last class.  I kept thinking, "Ooooh, I will incorporate that into the party."  Or, "We need to have that at the party."  It was like planning Christmas in July.  I kept a running list of all of my ideas.  It was so much fun and kept my eyes on the prize.

My Daddy and me.  His beautiful backyard was the setting of the party.

As graduation got closer, there were moments when we seriously considered flying out to Texas and having Steve walk.  Especially when we found out he was graduating with honors and was inducted into Phi Kappa Phi etc.  It was so hard to keep getting emails regarding all the graduation honors dinners, ceremonies and not be going!  But the price tag was too high for all of us to attend.  So we kept telling ourselves, "We're going to throw a huge party instead and it will be the perfect celebration!"

And it was truly perfect.  Okay, I didn't have time to do my hair beforehand but other than that, it all went so incredibly well!  God blessed us.  We couldn't have asked for a better night.

One of the things that made the night perfect was the people who attended.  Of course I would've loved to invite the world!  But we had limited space and even more limited parking so, we had to work with it.  The guests were amazing though.  We had friends who drove hours to be there.  Some were very pregnant, some literally in the middle of a huge cross-country move, others in the throes of med school.  Some like my little brother, came from the other end of the state.  A lot of Steve's family drove from the Bay Area or took precious time off work.  And many of our local friends, who have lots of little kids, had to get babysitters which is expensive and can be difficult!  So our guests blessed us tremendously by just being there.  And we were so grateful!  It was a great group!

Everyone mingling

Best buddy Andy, as the party is just getting started.

Appetizers

Here are some of the decorations.  One of the things that was really important to me was incorporating Steve's work into the party.  I didn't think everyone would want a replay of his thesis presentation but, I did think they might wonder what a Masters in Mathematics really might look like.  So I got out his old notebooks full of problems he had worked out over the years and I used those pages to decorate.  I made bulletin boards out of them, I made table runners, and his textbooks became the centerpieces.

Bulletin board of scratch work with family pictures

Family pics in the trees

So.much.fun.  These little elements gave a personal touch to all of the decorations. I also incorporated as many family pictures as I could.  I just stole the framed pictures from my own walls, tied them up with some ribbon and then hung them in the trees.  The pictures and the pom poms made the whole night really festive and perfect.  I am not crafty.  Truly, I am NOT.  And I am cheap.  Most of the decorations I either had lying around my house (the mason jars, math stuff, etc...) or I got them at the Dollar Store.  So I was pretty proud and relieved with how it all turned out.  

Table runners, luminaries and cloth napkins tied with one of Maxwell's Equations

Steve's spot with good ole Maxwell at this side!

I also had a ton of help prior to the party, the day of setting up and during the party as well.  Both my mom and Steve's mom watched the children for me so that I could get errands done the week before.  Both of my brothers helped BBQ the sausages.  My sister-in-law and a friend took pictures.  Steve's sister helped me set-up beforehand and finish with all of the final push stuff like getting the kids dressed.  Unbelievable!  My parents cleaned and prepared their house for tons of guests.  Friends and family prepared appetizers and donated tables and chairs.  One friend spent an afternoon helping me make pom poms.  Another got me all of the linens for free from a contact she had.  Other friends drove from really far away.  The list goes on and on.  And I'm still forgetting someone, I know it!  All of the help we had was amazing.  And we were so grateful!

Pete going strong on the BBQ

The lights that made the party look amazing!  Those lights were a labor of love.  My Dad, Steve and my brother Pete spent two hours that day hanging them up.

Guests listening to me give a history of the masters.  How we got started and some of the highlights from the last three and a half years.

Our oldest, taking in the diploma.

Guests enjoying dinner and each other.  I was really intent on assigned seating.  I felt it would really add to the night so that people would know where to go and who to sit with.  Most people commented what a fun time they had at their table.

Probably one of the most special parts of the night though, came in the speeches.  After I gave my little History of the Masters, I let the guests eat a bit and then I gave some stats from the Masters.  A little history in numbers you might say.  That was something I had worked on for months.  I approximated how many cups of coffee he probably bought at Starbucks (about 688) or how many hours he spent studying (about 2128 hours), etc...It was really fun to bring our guests into our world over the last three and a half years through those stats.  That was one of my favorite parts.  Steve had no idea I was doing it either which made it even more fun.      

Nathan and me giving the stats.

But even more special were the speeches.  One of Steve's best friends and fellow MV colleague, gave him a beautiful speech honoring him for his hard work.  Seriously made me cry.  So beautiful.

Devin giving his speech.

 Then one of Steve's best friends from Cal Poly got up and read a poem he had written to Steve.  Amazing.  I pretty much lost it at that point.  So, so special.

Andy's poem

And then, the most special of all, is that Steve got up and gave me a thank you speech for all of the hard work, for the encouragement, and for believing in him.  I'll never forget him saying, "While I was out solving these massive, difficult, extremely intricate math problems, Nikki was solving every other problem around me so that I was free to do what God has built me to do."  I'll never forget those words to me-ever.

Steve thanking me for being his biggest fan and support during it all.  To me, it was a pleasure to see him fly.

 After all of the speeches, guests were dismissed to watch a slide show put together by one of our buddies here at Monte Vista, while the cake was being cut.  I'll try and get that slide show up on the blog soon.  It was so perfect and really captured the journey we had been on and all that God had helped us accomplish.

Our favorite cake in the world with Maxwell on it.  A perfect ending to a perfect night.

It was a beautiful, incredible, God honoring, Steve-celebrating kind of night.  I wouldn't have changed one thing.  From the babysitters who helped watch our children, to the shuttle drivers helping people get parked, every detail seemed to go off without a hitch.  And most of all, my husband felt totally and completely blessed beyond measure.

Thankful for these past three and a half years.  Thankful for the Masters.  Thankful  to God for blessing us through the difficulties and the seemingly endless journey with love, perseverance, a sense of humor and grace that could only come from Him.

Congrats Steve!  We love you.  You ran the race well...looking forward to all God is going to bring through your hard work.

Thankful.



  

The Graduate

Tomorrow morning at 11 am Texas time, we will have a graduate of Texas A & M University!

Stephen Michael Dauphin

MS Computational Mathematics

Magna Cum Laude

Phi Kappa Phi

It's been 3 and a half years.  Thirty-six units.  11 classes.  10 A's, 1 B.

When he started, our family looked like this-



As he's finishing, our family looks like this-




Two babies born during or right after finals.

Elliana Grace Dauphin, June 25, 2010
Laptop and books in the background.  Elle born during Summer Session 1.

And....

Nathan Daniel Dauphin, August 9th 2012


Born two days post finals for Mr. Nathy.


It's been quite an expensive undertaking.  The equivalent to a downpayment on a house.  Somehow God has provided the money over the years.  We've also sold lots (thousands) of cookies/brownies for spending money :)!

Over two thousand hours of studying at Starbucks and over three hundred Saturdays, not to mention the many week nights spent out studying.

These are just the highlights.

God has given the success.  God has granted the blessings.

God has given us the will to fight and carry on.

Besides our children, this is the hardest thing we've fought for in our near eleven years of marriage.

Thankful today that it has come to a close.  Excited to see what God will do with it in the years to come.

These verses have been on my heart for the last three years:

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you....Thus says the Lord, who makes a way in the sea, a path in the mighty waters...Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.  Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:2, 16, 18-19

A new thing...a path through the sea...remember not the past, strive toward the future.  God is making a way in the wilderness.

Trust and carry on.

This has been a special chapter of our lives.  A good chapter.

And God has been the author of it all, for He is the One who writes our story.

These words have become so dear to me.  Spoken to me by my husband.  Written by the scientist who inspired his thesis project.  A perfect enumeration of our journey (already quoted on this blog, but I had to repost)...
 
Trust me Spring is very near
All the buds are swelling
All the glory of the year
In those buds is dwelling

What the open buds reveal
Tell us life is flowing
What the buds still shut, conceal
We shall end in knowing

Long I lingered in the bud
Doubting of the season
Winter's cold had chilled my blood
I was ripe for treason

Now no more I doubt or wait
All my fears are vanished
Summer's coming dear though late,
Fogs and frosts are banished

-James Maxwell 

Truly thankful and truly proud today!!

Gig'em Aggies...thanks for a great ride!

Off the Grid

Yes, I'm still alive.  I'm here.  I've just been off the grid for awhile.  There hasn't been one particular reason-more like many.  Little League baseball is consuming much of my spare time.  My husband just wrapped up his masters last week and I've been planning an event for the kids' school that took place yesterday.  Yet truth be told, I really just needed a little mental break to think, stew and well, catch my breath a little.  But I'm coming back...

Yup...those are some of the reasons.

But other than that, life is going along pretty swimmingly.

Speaking of baseball, we are in full swing here.  There is Giants baseball on the radio at night while the children are falling asleep.  We can hear cheers from the kids' bedroom when Buster Posey hits a home run.  And sometimes, when we go to tuck kids in before we go to bed, our oldest will sleepily pop his head over the side of the bed and whisper, "Daddy, they went into extra innings, but they still won!"

He is die hard at only seven.  Cracks me up.

So you can imagine that he's been pretty excited to actually play baseball.  He is on a pretty good team.  Lots of atheletes and lots of wins so far.  However, as much as Isaac loves the game itself, he is still quite a novice player, and he's one of the youngest on the team.  So there have been many lessons he's been learning.

One such character lesson has come with hitting.  When the season started, he was doing just fine.  For all of the practice games he got hits and only struck out once or twice.  That was when the coach was pitching to them.  But then, at the first regular season game, they hauled out the pitching machine and he was the first one at bat.  The ball comes a lot faster on the pitching machine.

He struck out.  And every at bat after that (there were MANY as there are lots of games per week), he could not get a single hit.  During practice he could hit, but at the games, when it really counted, he couldn't do it for some reason.  Part of it was probably mental and with the pitching machine, the ball was coming much faster.

Now mind you, we were in the throes of thesis prepping and finishing up A & M so, as much as Steve could, he practiced with him, but he couldn't do as much as he wanted to due to a lack of time.  So at every game, Steve and I would watch him march up to the plate, try his hardest, and miss every single time.

It was so heartbreaking for me.  Not because I care about him being a stud athelete but, because I knew how badly he wanted to get a hit.  And it's something that I could not do anything about or do for him.  He had to do it.  And he had to deal with it and man-up when he missed.  Plain and simple.  It wasn't anything I could fix.

We continued to encourage him and I'm so proud of him that his attitude stayed really positive.  There weren't any tantrums or tears.  He just kept marching up there and trying.

Last week he got a couple of foul tips.  He still struck out, but he got a piece of the ball.  After the game, he came running up to Steve and me yelling, "Did you see my foul tips??!"  Precious kid.  So excited to have foul tipped the ball!  He got his optimism from his Dad for sure!

Then on Saturday, we went out to his game expecting it to be just like the others.  The first few times at bat, it was the same routine.  Two strikeouts.  Yet the third time, on the last pitch of the count, he hit the ball.

Crack...

He excitedly sprinted as fast as he could toward first base.  As he approached the plate, he saw the first baseman catch the ball, so he slid.

It was an awkward slide, let me tell you.  His feet came up over his head and his helmet somehow came off in the tangle-up.  In fact, the whole crowd kinda held their breath to see if he would be getting up sans tears.

Yet he jumped to his feet, knew he was out, and ran back to the dugout.

Phew...he wasn't hurt.  Like I said, it was a bit touch-and-go there.  It was quite a little slide.

But while the next batter was batting, Steve was called out of the stands by one of the coaches and the first thought in my mind was, "Okay, he did get hurt.  Let's hope the damage is small."

After a few minutes Steve came back with a proud smile on his face.  I had no idea what had transpired so I asked if Isaac was all right.  He smiled with that smile I know so well...the one where he is holding his emotions in check, and answered that he was fine.

Evidently the coach had seen him crying after his slide and had assumed he was hurt.  So he went to see how he was doing and asked him if he was okay.  Without skipping a beat Isaac answered, "I'm okay.  I'm not hurt.  I'm just so happy I hit the ball.  I got a hit.  I'm just so happy."

The coach had just wanted to tell Steve that.

Both of us had this mixture of awe, pride and happiness for our oldest.  No complaining about getting out.  Just happy he'd gotten the opportunity to try and take first base.  He had been waiting many games for that.

Many.

Later, Steve asked him about the slide and why he had tried to slide like that.  Isaac answered quite emphatically, "DAD, come on.  I saw the guy catch the ball, knew I was going to be out, so I thought, I'll just try and knock him over like they do in the pros, and maybe the ball will come loose."

After Steve stopped chuckling (he had held his laughter back) he reminded Isaac that no only did the first baseman have at least twenty pounds on him but, that rule was only in effect for home plate, and really only for much more experienced baseball players.

Too much Giants baseball on the radio at night you think?

Anyhow, that's what we've been up to.  Baseball, rearing children, wrapping up a huge chapter of our lives with Steve finishing up at A & M, and catching our breath.

It's good to be back...

Thesis, Random Musings, The Gospel, and the Final Stretch

A major mountain was climbed today.  My husband jumped the last hurdle in sight to obtain his MS in Computational Mathematics from Texas A & M University by successfully defending his thesis.  Now all that remains are a few assignments in his last grad school class of Computational Linear Algebra.  He graduates the first week of May.

The presentation went really well.  The professors loved it.  They said he did exceptional.  Maxwell's Equations was not an easy topic to research so they were impressed.  All in all, it was the best of the best.

I knew he would do fine.  He had already submitted a few drafts to his committee chair and the feedback was good.  I knew it was simply a question of presenting the material.  Yet for some reason, the bigness of it all still hasn't hit me.

That was it.  That was the last big mountain.  All of the years of studying, and studying, and studying.  The endless, empty Saturdays.  The many week nights with him gone.  The never-ending pressure.  All of it, has culminated to this point and he did well.  Really, super well.

You know when a major life event passes by and you almost can't taste it because it's too surreal?  That's me right now.  It's too surreal to grasp.  I know the implications of this degree are huge for him, for us and for our family.  I just don't know how they're all going to play out.

These last three and a half years have squeezed out all of the fight in us.  This journey hasn't been the hardest one we'll ever face.  But, it's definitely been the most enduring one we've had so far.  Never before have we had to have such focus, such perseverance, such overwhelming grace and such teamwork!  

Yet like God always does, He's shown Himself in all the details.  

This journey has been of upmost importance to my husband.  He needed this.  It was exactly the path he needed to travel.  And I've been honored, absolutely honored to walk by his side.  Never before have I been so proud of anyone.

Some people have wondered how I could take care of all of the kids and at the same time be happy that my husband was out studying all the time.  And I have to answer, I don't know.  It doesn't make sense.  You'd think I would be frustrated and angry that he was gone chasing his dreams while I was stuck with all the work at home.  That's how it seemed anyway.  But to be honest, I didn't feel that way.

There were times I felt overwhelmed.  There were times I was frustrated.  And there were times I just wanted him to be done.  But, I knew from the get-go that his success would rise and fall with my attitude.  And I also knew that I loved him and was sold out for him.  I'd do anything for him.  And that right there is what kept me going.

The more I saw him succeed, the more I was encouraged to continue.  And the more God blessed his feet on this path, the more I let go of myself.

Awhile back our pastor was preaching through a passage (sorry I can't remember which one) and the topic of marriage/submission was being discussed.  He talked about submission as a woman being sold out for her husband's mission in life.  And as he talked, it became more and more clear to me that this journey toward Steve's MS has been exactly that.  God has made my husband to do math.  It's who he is.  And as his literature loving wife, I love him, math nerd and all.  I'm sold out for what makes him Steve.  I'm all in.  

Also, for years Steve built such love in me by cultivating grace, forgiveness and kindness.  So when it was time to start writing checks from my bank account, he had already filled the coffers full.  It was a no-brainer.  Of COURSE I would be sold out.  Of course.  Why wouldn't I be?  I am in love with this man.  I know he'd give his life for me.  Why wouldn't I step into this role so that he could pursue his dreams?  How silly to even think otherwise.   

But you see, it didn't start with me.  It started with him.  He had already laid the groundwork.  He had made it possible for me to step into that role.  It was a natural progression for me.  And it was truly an incredible blessing.

All of that got me thinking about Christ and the passage, "We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19  That is the gospel.  

Christ loved us.  Christ died for us.  Christ laid down everything for us to have salvation.  Christ saved us.  

But He loved us first.  And then, because of that love, we could respond with love for Him.  Without Him loving us, there would be no redemption.  There would be no grace.  There would be no forgiveness.

I haven't done anything extraordinary.  I've only done what anyone else, who was deeply loved, would do for their beloved.  God has provided the rest.  

So here we are...just a couple hundred yards left to run.  The glory of the finish is well within reach and the success of a race run well, is riding at our back.  To say we've done it on our own would be an understatement.  God has done it.  And He provided lots of support from family and friends along the way.  Looking back, none of it makes sense.  How could we possibly drag a family of seven through full-time work, full-time grad school and make it out intact?  Only God could orchestrate such beauty, such grace, and such perseverance.  But we've also labored, and run with muscles straining, trusting that God was with us.  And because of that, we prepare to celebrate.  Celebrate God's faithfulness.  Celebrate God's favor.  Celebrate God's goodness.

And as we look back on this chapter of our lives, we will look back with extreme fondness.  God enabled us to run this race well, with the wind at our back.  It's humbling, it's overwhelming and it's good.

Thanking God today for all He's done.

To Him be the glory.  Amen and amen!