The Last Day...What Remains

Well everything is ready. The boys have been dropped off and we had some dinner by ourselves out. All I have to do tonight is fold clothes and throw some toiletries in the hospital bag. The house is clean and the fridge has been cleared out. It's been a good but long day. I'm 40 weeks, 1 day and ready to go.

So, I've been thinking of the one thing to leave you all with for awhile now. What keeps coming to mind is this verse from 1 Corinthians 13:13. "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love; but the greatest of these is love." The greatest of all three, is love. And what is love?

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I love this girl already. Our whole family does. She is already so much a part of us that even though I haven't met her yet, I still love her wholeheartedly. After Joshua's birth I needed faith. Faith to know that God does what He does because He's God. Faith to trust in Him without seeing reasons why. Faith to believe He knew what was best for me and our family. Then God taught me to hope for the future and to hope in His promise to me that He would carry me through every circumstance. And then, when we found out we were expecting again, He showed me the fullness of His love and reminded me that love is the greatest of all three. f

So tonight, I think of love. I'm nervous. In fact, to be honest, even though it's my third time having a c-section, I'm petrified. But I know what remains and its love. Love is what drives me the distance. And I can't wait to lay my eyes on our little girl.

The last day..."But the greatest of these is love."

PS: I'll be off-line for a bit but hope to post pictures as soon as I can.

Two Days and Counting...

As far as weeks go, I hit 40 today and that always feels kinda strange. Nothing unusual happening. I tend to go late (8 days with Caleb and 3 with Joshua) so I'm not expecting any fireworks. Contractions have even backed off a bit and probably wouldn't pick up again until the weekend if I was going for a vaginal birth. So, I'm sitting pretty...well, large and definitely not pretty in that sense, but you know what I mean. Ha ha!

I'm just trying to tie up a few loose ends, get into the lab for one last blood test and get everyone ready to head in different directions for five days without us. Most everything is done. I think it'll all be all right. Left on today's agenda is making cookies with the boys and having a fun night with them. Tonight is our last night all together as a family of five. Tomorrow we'll take them to see Toy Story 3 and then tomorrow night they'll be at Grandma's.

It all seems too strange...too structured almost. But that's the way it is this time and I need to be thankful. I had my 40 week check-up yesterday and all looked fine. Yet, I still walked out of there in tears. I actually think I've left each 40 week appointment in tears for some reason or another from having made no "progress" regardless of contractions or just being plain tired. Hormones are in high gear and the anticipation of the birth is weighing heavily on my mind creating the perfect recipe for tears.

But yesterday it was for different reasons. I have known the whole time that I will have a c-section this time. I've never known that with any of the boys. But there was a part of me that thought maybe it wouldn't happen. Maybe I'd somehow be able to avoid it. Maybe I'd go into labor and labor quickly like with Caleb and the baby would be born safely without any problems. I tried not to think about it but it's always been there. But going in yesterday and talking with the doctor about all of the pre-op stuff, the absolute necessity of me heading in to the hospital if I have any signs of labor and how labor for me isn't safe, confirmed that the c-section will indeed be happening this Friday morning and that I can't change it.

I made it to the car without crying but was able to let it all out one last time. To give a final surrender, a final good-bye to my hopes for a normal birth this time. Again, I've always known and I'm very thankful. But I just needed to let go one last time. I am a woman and it's natural for me to want things to go normally. Yet that's just not what God has for me this time. A quick phone call to my husband helped a ton too. He just knows me better than anyone and knows how to comfort me while still pointing my feelings in the right direction. I thank God for that.

So for today, in honor of having two days left, I bring you the two ironies of this pregnancy and the two truths that I hold onto in spite of those ironies. Sorry...not as light as some of the past posts, but it's just what God is teaching me in these last days.

Two Ironies and Two Truths

Irony 1: This baby has not gone breech. Having breech babies is what got me my first c-section. I didn't know it at the time (it wasn't discovered until this pregnancy) but I actually have a birth defect that has given me a misshapen uterus. Basically the area of my uterus is a bit smaller than everyone else's so at the end, my babies flip around to try and find the best way to grow and get bigger. All three boys did it at one time or another. Isaac was just discovered breech too late and I had no idea what was going on because it was my first baby. The other two boys turned around 34 weeks and exercises got them to turn back. That's how I was able to try for vaginal births with them.

But I've never had a baby stay head down and it has been a huge source of stress and frustration for me in the last weeks of my pregnancies. Yet, this sweet little girl has been head down since 28 weeks and hasn't budged. I know how to tell now what position the baby is in and she has seriously been head-down the whole time. This is so ironic to me because she really is the only one that I've had NO chance of a vaginal birth with. With the other three, that option was always on the table. I don't know why she hasn't turned. It could be that my uterus is a bit more stretched out since it's my fourth and she could also be a bit smaller than her brothers. I don't know. But for whatever reason, she's been in the perfect position the whole time.

This is ironic to me. I'm thankful because her being head-down has allowed me to carry her all the way to term like I wanted to. But it's ironic...very ironic. Yet, this truth echoes in my head about that irony.

Truth #1: God knew me before I was even born and knew how He was fashioning me. There are no mistakes and God does as He pleases. He has also knit this little girl inside of me and has caused her to be in the position that she's in.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:13-14

So, I can rejoice in that knowledge and be thankful that He knows more than me. If I try and make sense of it, I'm reminded of what God said to Job.

"Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me. Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements-- surely you know!" Job 38:2-5

Basically, God is saying to Job that he doesn't know what He's talking about. In essence, where were you when I made the world huh?! You think you know so much but you don't! Your human wisdom is nothing to my understanding.

Very humbling.

Irony 2: I've always wanted a girl but not a planned c-section. Without beating a dead horse too much, I think it's been clear that I haven't thoroughly enjoyed having c-sections. I've tried to present my feelings about these matters in a real way but also one in a respectful/godly way as really, having a c-section is not the worst thing in the world at all. And last time, having a c-section saved both mine and Joshua's life. However, my woman's heart has never really wanted one. But I've always longed to have a daughter. So the irony is that God chose to give me a girl when He knew I'd have to go in for a scheduled section. As ironic as it is, truly it is God's kindness to me.

Truth #2: Contentment with our lot. For a long time I placed my happiness on the mode of birth I'd get. If only I could have things happen this way then I'd be happy. These feelings, although real, are not honoring to God and do not portray any thankfulness for God even giving me children in the first place. It's okay to have desires but, these things will not satisfy.

Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live. Isaiah 55:1-3

God has given me many blessings and it's not because I've earned them. He just blesses in His kindness. He didn't ever have to open my womb again. And He didn't have to give me a daughter ever but He chose to this time. But God gives and God takes. He does as He pleases. That's why our circumstances cannot dictate our happiness or our trust in God. For only God can truly fill us.

So I thank Him for His kindness to me and look forward with great anticipation to Friday.

Only two days left.

Three Days Left

I know I've focused a lot on my excitement to have a girl but I really, truly have adored having three boys. In fact, it's not something that I've been upset about at all. I will admit that I've definitely wanted to have a girl sometime but having three boys all close together has truly been wonderful for me. I also have to say good-bye to my status as an all boy mom and it will be a change for me. I'm not sad about the change but it will be different. So, in honor of having three days to go and for all you boy moms out there, I bring you my top 3 reasons why having boys is a HUGE blessing!

Side note: these are generalizations and I'm not saying little girls can't be like this too but boys generally are this way and I love them for it!

My Top 3 Reasons Boys Are a Blessing

1. Boys are simple. Now when I say simple, I mean simple vs. complicated not necessarily easy. Lord knows my boys aren't easy all the time at all!! But, boys don't get their feelings wrapped up in things nearly as much as girls do. Therefore, it's quite easy to know how to make them feel happy and how to bless them. You need to get them outside and let them run around. When my boys start running laps inside, I know we MUST go out. And you need to feed them--well. Sprinkle in some wrestling, sports and frog hunting and you can call it a day. They're just not that difficult to figure out. I love that about having boys.

2. Boys are tough. Some of their toughness comes from training but a lot of it is innate which develops over time and that makes them really fun. When my boys are brave, even when they're afraid, it makes my heart proud. It's really exciting to watch them learn and try new things. And it's really great to see them grow in courage. Boys have to be taught to go and conquer the world and care for a family one day. And it's so fun to watch them learn this process through learning to be tough even from a young, young age.

3. Boys LOVE their Mommy. This one is my favorite. All three of my boys are definitely very into their Dad and I would say that they gravitate much more to him (and it should be this way) but...they treat me like a queen. It's just a different kind of love for me. They play with my hair and tell me I look "beautiful today." They pick me flowers and make me cards. Ummmm...I love that. They treat me gently and they're always ready to shower me with kisses. I know that someday their affection in this way will change and be focused on a wife (and praise God for that!!) but for now, I'll drink in all of their slimy, dirty kisses because I can't help but loving their sweetness.

I've loved having boys and I'll miss our all boy family a bit when the little girl arrives.

But not too, too much.

Three days left to go.

Four Questions

There are a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head about making the transition to four children. But these are my top four. So far, my easiest transition has been to three. Not sure how going to four is going to go. Any moms out there with four kids, your thoughts would be much appreciated.

Four Questions about Transitioning to Four Kids

1. How in the world am I going to nurse with three boys running around? I've definitely thought that with the addition of each child but my third little boy is pretty active so I've really had this one on my mind. I've always read to the kids or played with them while nursing but Joshua is hard-pressed to sit for much time at all. We've been working on it for awhile because it's very important for children to learn to sit, but he still really struggles. And babies nurse SO much in the beginning so, I'm really curious how that's all going to work out. I'll just have to learn as I go.

2. How do I stay consistent with discipline and training? I feel like it's been hard for me to be consistent with three. At least much harder than with one or even two. I've really had to work at being on top of my littlest one. I'm wondering how to add another one and still do a good job in this area. I wish I was an octopus and had 8 arms. That would really help. But since I don't, I'll have to rely on sheer determination and a healthy dose of perseverance. God's strength will have to be my foundation for sure.

3. How do I give each child the attention they need? I think every mom asks herself this question regardless of how many children are in the house. It's a normal thing. However, I know I'm about ready to be divided into even smaller pieces and so I'm going to have to work harder at making sure everyone is getting their needs met. I don't know how this will all play out but I do know that I'm made for this. As a woman, God has literally made me to do this job. So in light of that knowledge, I can have my confidence placed in Him and how He's made me and not in my own skills. I'm sure I'll come up short often but, that's when God's grace will have to cover me and continue to teach me how to give more and more of myself. Because in essence, that's really what will be happening for the most part...I'll just continue to learn how to give more of my life away. And really, that's okay. I can't think of anything else I'd rather be giving my life to anyway.

4. How do I keep my husband my first priority? If I'm thinking about how I'm going to meet all of my children's needs, it definitely begs the question that I'm thinking even more about still being the wife that Steve needs first. It's so easy to deal with the immediate (the children) and forget that he's there as well, working hard and pouring himself into all of us. I've learned a few things as we've had the last couple that I believe have helped him still feel like he's the most important one in my life (because he definitely is). But I've got to keep those thoughts at the forefront of my mind. I don't know how to pull this off and I'm sure it'll be a transition. But another thing I do know that is so encouraging, is that this transition will just be a season and soon enough, we'll have our evenings back, our room back to ourselves and after a long day, we'll be able to unwind together. And those are the things that keep us going.

So these are a few questions that I'm sure will work themselves out--I'm just not quite sure how. But I know God will care for us and guide us. He always has and always will.

Only four days left.

Top 5 Comments

With the load that I'm carrying and the little army I'm sporting around with me, I definitely get some comments while out. Like I've said before...this doesn't bother me. In fact, it mostly makes me laugh and generally people are really kind. But just for fun, I thought I'd post the top five comments that I've received repeatedly over the last few months in honor of only having five days left.

Top 5 Comments

1. Are they all yours? This is surprisingly something that I get asked quite a bit. I guess it makes some logical sense in the day of daycare and blended families but, every time I'm asked this I just laugh. Of course they're all mine. I know people don't mean to come across weird but, it does imply some funny things when someone asks that question and really, I don't know these people who are talking to me. But like I said, it always makes me laugh pretty well, awkward or not.

2. You must have your hands full. This one is pretty typical and I know some moms get annoyed by this one. But seriously, if I really think about how I must look to other people, I can see why someone would make that comment to me. Yes, my hands are full. But so is my heart, my home and my life. It's not necessarily bad to have your hands full. In fact, for me, it keeps me out of trouble. Busyness is a great cure for bad behavior that creeps in when one is too idle. Check out Titus 2:5. So I always smile really big and just say, "Yes...but they're great kids and I really like them."

3. You're done after this one...right? This one is hilarious and partly comes from where I live. I live in one of the most liberal areas of California and there are a lot of population overcrowding groupies here. They love to hate people like me. And they don't mind making it clear to me that I need to do my part and help curb population growth. The problem I see with these people is that they're not going to have anyone to carry on their beliefs to the next generation because they're not having any children or are having very little children. While people like us, who think children are a blessing, are having tons of them. Hmmmm....enough said.

4. They're all so close together. I like this one because I usually end up explaining the ages of my children and that yes, they are fairly close together. We haven't actually planned it that way but it's just what has happened. As a result of my response, sometimes I get really funny and interesting stories from other people. One lady proceeded to tell me her whole pregnancy history and ovulation patterns. Ovulation patterns!! I don't feel the need to give strangers that much information about myself but sometimes people just want to share their experiences. At times people are unkind with this one (giving me a look like, "Didn't your mother teach you how this all works? Ummm...yes, I do know and I would think my swollen belly would communicate that fact.) But most of the time, people are just curious why on earth we would decide to have children all close together like we have. I have to admit, sometimes we ask ourselves that question so, it's not unreasonable. I'm not always sure myself but I do know that we're getting the baby stuff all over with at one time and that later they'll all be close friends. So, this comment always makes for a lively conversation.

5. Please tell me, is this one a girl? This one is my absolute favorite and it's the one I get most often. In fact, probably five times more than any of the others right now. And the greatest part is that when I tell them that yes, it is a girl, people that I don't know whatsoever literally cheer, laugh, and almost reach out and hug me they're so happy for me. It is so, so fun. It's like my "situation" makes their day. Some tell me that they have three boys and should've gone for a fourth. Others tell me about some relative/friend that is just like me. Others look so relieved for me. And some just grin and giggle all silly like they just won the lottery or something. No matter what, it's like I have my own cheering section right in the middle of Safeway. It's just plain fun. I'm glad that us having a girl can bring some joy to others because it certainly makes me smile.

Only five days left.

6 Days Left

Like I said before, I'm going on a mini-vacation next weekend and have been getting my bags packed. So in honor of six days left, I bring you...

My Top 6 Things to Bring to the Hospital



1. Good reading material. I'm going to be staying for a few days so, I'll definitely need some good stuff to keep me busy.



2. Baby blanket I made for the little girl. Now all of you sewers out there, don't laugh. This is very far from perfect. I used scrap pieces and I didn't try very hard to get things perfect. But it's really the first thing I've ever made and it was fun to do.



3. Going home outfit. Isaac picked this out for his sister last month at Old Navy. Caleb helped too but this is what Isaac wanted to get her. It's not newborn size (0-3 mths) but I think I can stitch up the straps and maybe it'll fit her. The shoes came from someone at my shower. Absolutely ADORABLE! I've never cared that much about a going-home outfit to take pictures in but this time it was kind of fun to plan something.



4. All of our technology stuff from the cell phone we just recently acquired to Steve's new laptop for grad school. His Geometry class runs through the delivery of the baby until the next week so he'll be needing a computer to do his stuff while we're in the hospital. And of course, we need our camera and video camera. At times like this, I am thankful for technology.



5. I have used this nursing pillow with every.single.child. It is a lifesaver for me in the first couple of weeks. Steve always makes me tell other people what its name is because he thinks it is just oh so funny. Yes...it is called My Breast Friend and really, after all of the use I've gotten out of it, it really is like a best friend to me.



6. Assuming all goes well, I am planning to nurse this one just like my other three. So, all the nursing stuff from the cover to the soothies and lanolin are a must-have. Even though it's the fourth time, it'll still hurt some and all of that stuff really comes in handy.

Six days left. Less than a week now.

9 Days to go

9 Reasons I Know I'm at the End

1. I woke up from a short nap yesterday and couldn't shake the feeling that I just wanted to cry. Did I have any reason? No! And I had a difficult time getting out of my funk. Hormones are reaching peak levels...caution...beware. I'm trying to keep a lid on things but the pressure is building. This is not an excuse for bad behavior but I can definitely feel that I'm not my normal self.

2. I've had a perpetual eye twitch for a few weeks now. The only other time I had such an eye twitch was in the weeks leading up to my wedding. It's a combination of subconscious stress and fatigue. Yeah, definitely getting close.

3. None of my shirts fit. Nothing more to really say about that.

4. My patience with the children is wearing a bit thin. Part of it is probably my own attitude which can translate to the boys, but it seems to me that everyone is having a tough week. Joshua still isn't walking whatsoever (sprained his leg/ankle this last weekend wrestling with Dad and brothers) so that means that when we go anywhere I have to carry him around. And the older two have been skirmisching (is that even a word?) more than usual. Maybe all of us know change is around the corner.

5. I've still got a few little things left on my To Do List but I have absolutely no desire to complete them. I'll be forcing myself to do them. A week ago the nesting urge was still strong. Now...I'd rather sleep.

6. As far as cooking dinner goes, we've sadly had to resort to things like hot dogs, grilled cheese, mac n' cheese and pancakes. These things aren't bad at all sometimes; however, I've been using them a little more than I'd like to. And to top it all off, I'm hungry but nothing really sounds good to eat.

7. Except, I have been craving the largest Diet Coke known to man and chocolate chip cookie dough. When you go so many months without, it just sounds so wonderful at the end. Over the weekend, I had some Diet Coke...she's developed now so I don't feel too bad. However, after getting a little taste of caffeine, all I want is more. Who said caffeine isn't addictive?

8. When I lay in bed to go to sleep at night, I have to reach out my arms to find my poor husband. It's like he's in a different country. My belly has gotten so big, I can't even cuddle close to him anymore and we're usually pretty close sleepers. Not to mention the jungle gym of the pillows. Shoot!

9. But here's the kicker...I must be nearing the end because I'm actually looking at the hospital stay with me, Steve and the baby as a vacation. All of you moms out there who just had their first child will probably be horrified by that statement. Vacation!!! How could it be? But trust me. To me, that extended weekend with the three of us (even without a full night's sleep) is pretty much sounding like paradise to me.

All in all, we're doing fine. I'm just trying to keep things light and laugh at myself a bit as I reach the end. So ha ha ha!! But truthfully, all of us here are really starting to get excited to meet that little girl.

10 days to go

In honor of our little girl's arrival, scheduled to come in ten days, I've decided to post a sort-of countdown. I think it'll help me get through these last days...mentally that is.

So today's countdown is....

10 Things I'm Really Excited About Having a Girl

1. I can't wait to teach my daughter to cook and bake.

2. Dressing a girl...after 3 boys, need I say more?

3. How her presence will influence our family. We've been tipped so heavily in the boy direction, I'm really interested and excited to see how her addition to our family will affect our boys, my husband and myself.

4. Doing her hair. I've always wanted to have a little girl so that I could do her hair all cute. Lots of braids and pigtails. I LOVE little girls with pigtails.

5. Just have someone like me in the house. I'm not saying she'll look like me-in fact, all of my boys look SO different that I am not really sure what she's going to come out looking like. I just mean, that it'll be nice to have some more femininity in the house besides myself.

6. Being a mother of the bride. Not to say that being a mother of the groom is bad because it isn't. But being a mother of the bride is different and really special.

7. Tea Parties, ballet, dress-up and dolls. I'm a little more suited to that kind of play. Nevertheless, I have gotten pretty good at guns, space ships, trains, legos and tinker toys.

8. Taking her with me, when age appropriate, to girly events like showers.

9. The honor of teaching her what it means to be a Christian woman. I'm not really sure I know all there is to know but...through seeking the Lord's wisdom, I look forward to finding out how to pass on and instill values in her that will benefit her for a lifetime.

10. But the thing I think I'm most excited to see with having a girl, is how my husband reacts to her and their relationship. I think he has no idea what is in store for him.

AND.....

10 Things That I'm Intrigued/Scared About Having a Girl

1. So I just have to say this. I don't know how to change a girl diaper. I'm sure I'll figure it out but...so different!! At least I don't have to deal with a circumcision this time. I'll take learning the girl diaper over circumcision any day!

2. I'm scared of the attitude. Not that boys don't have attitudes from time to time but, I hear (of course I wouldn't know, ha ha) that girls can be more sassy. If my boys talk back it's pretty tame and they don't do it again once they're told to stop. Yeah...definitely concerned about the sass.

3. How to teach our daughter modesty. I'm not even sure how I learned it and I wonder how to communicate its importance to our little girl.

4. How to apply our principles/rules to a little girl. We must have the same standards but, I'm anticipating their application will be different and at times softer. How to work that boggles me. She could possibly be our last (not sure) so I also don't want her to be spoiled either. Finding that balance will be hard. I guess we'll figure that out as we go.

5. How to let her be girly in the midst of boy land. Trying to let her be who she is will be interesting when all she has around her are three older brothers.

6. How to switch parenting modes from boy to girl. I know parents do this all the time but I've never had to switch. It's always been the same. Maybe it won't be that hard. But to me it's a mystery.

7. Drama. Like sass, I hear girls can be more drama. I know they're definitely more emotional. I mean, I am. Not sure how to deal with that.

8. The teenage years and all of their "changes". My husband and I both agree that boys should talk to Dad about that kind of stuff and girls should talk to mom (when the time comes). Until now, I had pretty much gotten out of talking to anyone about the birds and the bees. Ah man...at least I have some years to prepare.

9. Protecting her. Mostly this will come from her Dad but I just want to shield her from so much of the world and have her make wise decisions. Letting her fail will probably be harder for me to watch than my boys. I don't know why.

10. But the thing I'm probably most scared about is me being a good role model. Of course she's going to look to her Dad but she's going to take her cues about femininity from me and I hope I'm up for the task. God willing, through lots of learning, failing and being covered with God's grace, I'll be able to show her what it means to be a woman.

The Last Hurrah

Last night Steve and I ventured out for our last date (for awhile that is). We dropped the kids off at Grandma and Grandpa's and then headed to the harbor for a relaxing dinner on the water. It was beautiful out and it was so nice to look each other in the face and talk without any interruptions. Seriously....sheer bliss. It's always fun to talk and process through the upcoming events and all the changes that will be coming to our family. We always end up marveling at how God has so graciously provided for all of our needs. I have no idea how the transition to four is going to go...I'm trying to keep my expectations realistic and low.


This is the scene we left and we didn't have to pick them all up again until this morning. So we got some great time together. Steve did have a project due for the grad school class he's in last night so we headed home after dinner. But seriously, that was fine with me. I'm not really one to paint the town red when I can no longer see my toes. So we had a quiet evening in after his project was sent off (he pretty much had it ready to go). This morning we slept in until 7 (meaning we didn't get out of bed until 7-hardly ever happens) and then went for a walk. I don't even remember the last time we took a walk by ourselves. That was wonderful too.

And today...well, it's shaping up to be a pretty good day. Birthday party this afternoon....Sabbath Dinner tonight. Earlier today little Joshua sprained his ankle while wrestling with his Dad and big brothers but, not too much damage was done. He just can't walk. And with how active he is and how incredibly huge/tired I am...I'm thinking that may just be a blessing from the Lord. I'm sure he'll be back up to speed in just a few days giving me just enough time to catch my breath.

Happy Saturday!

Doing our Duty and an Update

Sorry for the lack of blogging. I'm 38 weeks today and just trying to keep up with the masses here. My To Do List is shrinking though and I'm starting to feel as though we'll be "ready" when she comes. But who knows what the next two weeks will bring. Friday night Steve and I will get one last date by ourselves for quite some time and I'm looking forward to that as well. Everything seems to be on schedule to deliver the little girl two weeks from Friday. Let's hope I make it.

But onto other things. So, last night we participated in California's Primary Elections. We usually try and make the effort to vote even if it's not convenient. It's important. We've got a system down now where one of us goes in to vote and the other watches the kids in the car. Then we switch. I always tease Steve and ask him who he voted for and why. Most of the time we're the same...every once in awhile we're not quite. Well, before we went, Isaac asked me what voting was and I tried to explain it to him as best as I could. He then asked if he could go with me. I thought, well, why not?! So I took Isaac in with me to vote and when it was Steve's turn, he took Caleb.

When Steve got back to the car, he looked like he was going to burst. My mind immediately went through the turn of events and what possibly could've happened. I asked him if all was well and he said, "Not now...get in the front." Intrigued, I got into that front seat as fast as I could considering my size. I'm sure it wasn't pretty. He then went on to tell me that Caleb did great inside and watched him vote and everything. He even got to put the ballot into the electric ballot box. I'm waiting for the punch-line. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then Steve said that he had noticed Caleb looking all around like he was waiting for something. Steve thought he was just intrigued by being inside the Fire Station (that's where we vote).

However, that evidently wasn't it. As they were walking out, Caleb grabbed Steve's hand and very respectfully but forcefully said, "DAD! Why didn't we get on the boat!! Where's the boat?" It took Steve a second to realize what he was talking about. The boat?! What?! Aaaaahhh...that whole time, Caleb thought they were going on a boat, not going to vote. No wonder he seemed so pleased to go. The poor kid had waited so patiently all that time only to find out there wasn't any boat. Steve held in his laughter as best as he could and then explained to Caleb that they weren't going on a boat but had gone in to vote. To which Caleb replied, "Oh, okay." At least he was all right with the switch. Who knows where he thought they were going.

Man, I love that kid.

Showered

I have some great friends. Today I was given a shower by my neighbors who are also my buddies and it was simply wonderful. I told them from the beginning that I didn't need a shower as this is my fourth child. Yet, they still went all out and showered us with many blessings. From the amazing cake my friend Monica made to the decorations, everything was simply perfect. It was a really special time. Both my mom and Steve's mom made it and my dear sister-in-law from San Jose also came. There were various Monte Vista staff as well as friends/neighbors who are all a part of our community here. I am so blessed to be loved so much!! I must say...it was QUITE fun to have a girly shower. I've never had one of those before. I couldn't stop smiling and all of my boys had a great time too (especially when all the yummy food came out).

My friend Monica MADE this cake. Isn't it amazing? She really is talented.


All of the food was so incredibly delicious and so thoughtful. Basically, they made all of my favorite things from the pineapple cheese ball to broccoli and bacon salad. I felt so honored by the careful thought they put into the food.

My mom with Caleb and my nephew Christos. Good things both grandmas were there because they really helped with the kids. Thanks Grandma and Yia Ya!!



Isaac helped me open all of my presents. Truthfully, it was really helpful because I couldn't reach very far into the bags to get stuff out. Isaac dutifully helped (yeah right...he was more than happy to "help" my open stuff).


Josh ate just about everything in sight but he was a trooper. The shower went well into his nap time and he pulled through just fine. Thanks Grandma for getting him home right after to take a nap.

Things started out a bit rough for this one when he couldn't have a chocolate covered strawberry right off the bat. Nevertheless, he bounced back when the food came out and helped himself to quite a few Wheat Thins. I just love this kid.


Isaac and his best buddies at Monte Vista. These kids have grown up together these past five years and love each other so, so much.


Me and my Mommy!! Of course, in her style, she showered us with a TON of cute stuff and helped watch the boys too. Thanks for coming and bringing Theodora Mom!!

I didn't get a picture of the two girls who put on this wonderful show for me today so, I'll just mention their names. Monica and Allison, you gave me the most beautiful shower ever. I felt so overwhelmed by everyone's generosity and I'm truly thankful you guys are my close friends and that we get to raise our kids together and just do life together. Thanks for all your hard work!!

We are truly blessed and are excitedly waiting the arrival of baby girl, #4, in three weeks. It'll be here before we know it. And after today and all that loot...I've got a lot of work to do!!

Nothing Like Nesting...

...To get some stuff done!! I've got four weeks left with number four and that in itself is a recipe for a little bit of well, good old fashioned nesting. Since I know for certain that I won't be getting anything done for at least a year (besides the daily/weekly keep-up of running a home and tending the children) I've been pushing hard to get a TON of stuff organized and put away. I still have a list but...these are a few of the more fun things we've been doing over the last week or so.

All weekend long we hung pictures all over the house. Here are just a few snapshots. We, well Steve, actually hung more than just these.



And there's even room and an empty frame waiting for #4. The frame below the boys' pictures holds the Watermark song, Invade. I'm not crazy, crazy into Christian music but I LOVE Watermark and have for many, many years. If you're interested, you can find the lyrics here.


Our little "office" in our room. Yes....that is facebook up on the screen. And why does it take 6-7 years to hang up diplomas? I don't know but I figured we both did a lot of work and spent a lot of money to get those...so they should go up somewhere. And of course, AGO (Alpha Gamma Omega, Cal Poly's Christ-centered Fraternity) is representing as well with Steve's official membership all framed. Where would we be without AGO? Definitely not married. Thank God for AGO.

We also gutted the front and back yards throwing tons of winter-thrashed toys away and just got the yards ready for summer play. It feels so good to do these things.

But...the funnest thing of all that I've done over the last week is sew. Sew!! Anyone who knows me well KNOWS that I am not crafty at all. I have a sewing machine that I hadn't threaded in nearly two years. It took me over an hour to figure out how to get started again the other day and my husband, who is really good at reading directions, had to come and help me. But the nesting urges brought that machine back out and I have made a few very simple things.



There aren't ANY cute girl burp cloths out there so I made my own. I had the fabric already on the left which came from an old fitted sheet of ours that had a hole in it. Then, after my success with that fabric, I had to go out and buy some more cloth diapers and fabric to make more. I haven't finished them all yet but the swatches on top are samples of the other kinds of fabric I got. Those have been pretty easy and fun to make. I also got some fabric to make a blanket. We'll see if I can pull that one off.

But my favorite of all are the curtains I made for our front room. Remember the old sheet that I just mentioned? Well, the flat sheet was just fine and the pattern matches our walls perfectly. I've wanted to make curtains out of it for the longest time. Sunday night, I finally did it. And every time I look at them I just smile. I LOVE them. It's hard to see from the pictures because of the sunlight pouring in but you get the idea. I actually had to close the blinds in the middle to even get a decent picture!!


Yesterday I visited the doc and all seems to be going well. We're looking at a little less than a month to go at the latest. Still have lots to do but definitely enjoying these last weeks. A little bit more on Sabbath stuff next time.

6 Weeks Out

Yesterday marked six weeks until our baby girl comes. We've scheduled her c-section for the 25th and unless she goes breech on me and stays that way, she will be born then. (For more info. on why she will be born via c-section, check out past posts under labels c-section, VBAC, Isaac or Josh). If she is breech at the end, I'll have her a week early to avoid cord prolapse risk. So far she's stayed head-down and I'm past the point that my last two went breech at so we'll see. When she's born, I'll be 40 weeks and 1 day. I haven't gone into labor early yet...I've been very late with my last two...so I should be all right to go right up to the end. If she can't choose her birthday, I can at least give her a full forty weeks. I'd love to keep her in there as long as I can even though it'd definitely be easier to go early.

So the countdown has begun. I've got a list of things to do and we're all feeling excited about her birth. I can't believe I've made it to this point again and that we'll be meeting a new little one soon. At the end of Joshua's pregnancy (my third) I remember being really tired and at times, sick of being pregnant. I'm trying (that's the operative word-trying) to smile more, get through and be cheerful in these last weeks. I think they'll be more pleasant for everyone involved if I can just be cheerful. Isn't that what I tell my kids all the time anyway...to choose to be cheerful. I think I need to take my own advice sometimes.

So here's to the next six weeks and the absolute adventure they're going to be. I'm sure I'll be tired. I'm sure there'll be days I'm exasperated and frustrated. But I don't have long to go and I'm excited to meet our little girl. And that's all that really matters anyway.

Three Quarters...

On Wednesday I hit 30 weeks and folks, I'm starting to feel it. I'm 3/4 done with my fourth pregnancy in five years! I haven't started crying at night yet from fatigue but I'm sure the next ten weeks will be my most challenging of all my pregnancies so far. Mostly, I just have to laugh at myself and the crazy things I do. Soon it will all be over and I'll miss being pregnant, so I'm trying to enjoy every minute. Here's my Top Ten List of....

"How I Know I'm Really in My Third Trimester"

10. My bed has become a mountain of pillows and blankets that I just MUST HAVE to get any sleep. My poor hubby just has to deal with the extra stuff. I used to apologize for it...now I just shrug and tell him it won't be long.


9. The duck waddle has begun. The other day I noticed I was waddling. And then I thought to myself, "Have I ever really stopped waddling?" I think that's just how I walk now, I'm so used to it.

8. As soon as the boys get in bed, I go horizontal and usually do not move until it's time for me to crawl in bed which always involves a lot of sighing and shifting around. If I don't do this, I simply cannot get up the next morning.

7. My children notice my large size and say things like, "Oh my goodness! You're huge!" when lifting up my shirt to say "hello" to their baby sister. That's always a confidence booster.


6. I've stopped sleeping well even though I'm very tired. Typical. Predictable. However, I'm sleeping more now than I will be in a few months so, I can't complain.

5. I feel like I'm growing as wide out in front as I am tall. Which isn't so big considering I'm just under 5 feet but yet imagine getting big and being my size...I definitely am struggling in the balance area.

Which I discovered, by the way, the other night when I climbed up to Isaac's bed to kiss him goodnight. I normally don't do that anymore due to my burgeoning belly but that night I just had to snuggle him so I went up there and then couldn't get down. Yes, I climbed the triple bunk bed. You should've seen the look on my husband's face when I called him from the other room to help me get down. It was the look of death.

4. I feel like my joints will be cracking and moving for.ev.er. I could lead a percussion band with all of the noises my joints are making right now. Poor things have been through a lot over these past five years.

3. Most of the cute pregnancy shirts are starting to fade into the abyss and the bigger, less attractive smocks are coming out...as well as the hubby's white undershirts (you know, to work out in). He hates it when I wear his shirts. Something about him needing them. Ha ha. Fun times.

2. I really don't feel like doing anything, like the normal cooking, cleaning and running a home, although not "feeling like it" doesn't translate into getting out of my responsibilities. "Mom! I'm hungry...I'm thirsty...I need to go poop!" as well as the normal crying, training and sibling banter, are all the background chatter and noise I hear throughout the day. Such is the life. And I am okay with it...in fact, I love it. I'm just not as enthusiastic as normal about all of the things that need to get done. Nevertheless, I must push through.

1. But the best part about the third trimester is knowing that I've almost made it to the end and will meet my new little one soon. Now that makes all of the minor aches and pains totally worth it.

It's What Makes Us Who We Are

Childbirth. Every woman from the time they are little thinks about one day giving birth and having children. The desire to bring forth life is literally written on our very souls. Our entire system, as women, is designed to propagate life. It's who we are. And it's definitely who we're meant to be.

It's as old as creation. When God dealt with Eve's sin in the garden He specifically singled out her femininity when He mentioned that she would bring forth children in pain. The very thing that was meant to bless and that set apart her apart from man, was brought out and cursed. Yet there was still hope as God reminded Eve that one of her offspring would one day overcome the serpent and free mankind from its bondage with sin. "I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel." Genesis 3:15 Satan would strike at man's heel in an attempt to obliterate man by separating him from God but in the end, he would be overcome. So even in the fall, there was hope...and this hope came through the promise of offspring, a Savior--Jesus Christ.

It's no wonder that birth itself touches women to the core for it is our very femininity that is being discussed. Whenever I am with a group of women who have children, often times birth stories are brought up and shared. Each woman's story is as different as they come, unique to her as an individual yet, still tying her to her sisters in the room. And no one can deny it. We want to talk about it because it's who we are. It's how we're designed. Again, it's who we're meant to be.

But it's never a free ride. With all of the joy comes so much pain and this pain comes from deep within because it's our very souls, what makes us feminine, that is at stake. Some women experience infertility and miscarriage and some without ever having a reason. These women ache so deeply and so truly that women who have never been through such disappointment and sorrow cannot understand. We can only imagine, stand on the sidelines, lend an ear, offer a shoulder and pray. Others lose children in childbirth. It still happens. I know someone personally. And to attempt to put those feelings into words would never even do justice to the pain experienced there. Only God can surmount those mountains. Only God can lift the eyes of those women. Yet we can pray fervently on our knees for comfort and be there to cry.

Others, like the majority of women, merely don't get the type of birth they thought they'd get. Or maybe they do for some children but not for others. It turns out to be something totally different than what they thought it would be. But in the end, with a keen eye looking backward, they can see how God used that birth in the laying down in death to give life to another, to bring about much needed hope, change, growth and perseverance.

There's nothing like it. Nothing touches us all so deeply as the very birth of our children. Yet, we cannot worship it. We cannot trust it. We cannot rely on it. But we can worship. Birth should make us worship. Not ourselves. Not our accomplishments. Not how fast we labored or how many times we pushed. Not how many children we have or how much pain we can endure. We must worship the One who gave us this gift. The One who allowed it all to come into fruition. The One who put it all into place.

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." Psalm 139: 13-16

It is in that worship that we can see the beauty of all that God has given us, the good and the bad, and we can know that God is using our very selves, our very core to change us and bless us. And in that realization, we can be thankful. We must be thankful.

Table Talk

This kid will never take a serious picture!!

This conversation occurred at the breakfast table over the weekend.

Steve: Isaac, do you know you're going to have a baby sister?

Isaac: Yeah. Is she coming today?

Steve: No. It's still going to be a few months but she'll be here soon.

Isaac: Oh.

Me: What do you think we should name her?

Isaac: Hmmmmmm....it needs to be a pretty name.

This is a very astute observation coming from a four-year-old. Steve and I eye each other knowingly with a glimmer of hope that he, the oldest, just might "get it."

And then, after some thought, Isaac responds very enthusiastically....

Isaac: Maybe we could name her Isaac! I could share my name with her.

Nice to share but nope-- he definitely doesn't get it.

Steve: Isaac do you even know any girl names?

Isaac: No. Can I go play trains now?

This house is in for a shock. We can't wait.

Twenty

That's right...today I officially hit the half-way point and turned 20 weeks. In celebration of making it half-way, I thought I'd write my top 10 things I've noticed about this pregnancy that I haven't experienced before. Most everything is old hat but, like every miracle, there are new and exciting things with every journey.

Top 10 Things I've Noticed about this 4th Pregnancy:

1. I'm much more easily tired. Probably because I'm getting older. My first pregnancy occurred when I was 23. I'm going on 29 people and inching ever closer to 30. So yeah, I seem to be tired out more quickly. Oh and I have three other boys too, ages 4 and under. That probably doesn't help.

2. Usually my skin is radiant during pregnancy. Not so much this time!! Oh man!!

3. I crave broccoli. I usually don't crave anything during pregnancy. Now my sister-in-law, she has the real cravings. I don't. However, for some reason, I LOVE broccoli and can't get enough of it. I guess it's not a bad craving to have.

4. I've popped out so much faster with this one. However, I have popped out faster each time so there really isn't any surprise. My body just knows what it's doing and so out the belly comes. It's kinda funny actually.

5. Luckily for my husband, I've only had one emotional breakdown and it wasn't huge. I'm not a big crier but sometimes the hormones can push me over the edge. Nevertheless, it hasn't been too bad this time. Maybe my body is so used to being pregnant now the hormone surges don't affect me as much. Who knows? I still have 20 more weeks to go.

6. I didn't feel the baby move until much later than my pregnancy with Joshua (my 3rd). I thought I'd feel him/her move sooner or at least around the same time but this time, it was closer to 18 weeks when I felt definite movement. It was hard for my OB to find the heartbeat though and he thinks my placenta is up front this time. So that could be why.

7. I haven't had the recurring nightmare yet (I've had it with every.single.child numerous times before birth) that I've forgotten to feed the baby for hours and the baby is starving and crying. I'm not sure why I always have this dream but I do. Nevertheless, it hasn't come yet. Maybe it'll come back right at the end.

8. I've broken some of my most cherished pregnancy rules: no eating cookie dough or drinking any diet sodas. I've given in on the cookie dough a little bit, although I've tried to be strong. And I've had my share of Diet A & W Rootbeers and Diet Ginger Ales. Sometimes I feel guilty but most of the time I don't. There's only so much a girl can take. And I've been pregnant so much in the last five years. I've had to give a little.

9. I've had to give up certain household chores (to my hubby that is) due to a lack of physical stamina. Normally I'd blaze right through these things and not care one bit, however, after my last birth being so traumatic on my body (more on that at another time), I've decided to let go and let my husband do some of the heavier things around the house. I always tell him I need those strong muscles to put my stroller away or take out the diaper trash. I also am trying not to pick my kids up as much. I'm hoping for a better outcome this time. If you think of it, pray my womb will be strong.

10. Frankly, I've been most surprised at how, even though this is my fourth time through this process, I'm still totally in awe of the miracle that God creates while bringing a child into the world. It is still so amazing, so new and just so wonderful. That never gets old. Maybe the sleeping on my side gets a bit old, or the fatigue and nausea. But feeling that baby rolling around inside NEVER ever gets old. And I thank God that He's given us yet another miracle to cherish, protect and love.

Now, I know you all want to know if we've found out what we're having. We haven't found out the sex yet and won't for another week and a half as our doctor is out on vacation. It's a horrible time to go on vacation if you ask me. I mean, my schedule is WAY more important than a little vacation to Hawaii! Ha! Nevertheless, he still left and so that means I must wait a bit longer. With our track record, you can expect another little Mr. Dauphin. That's what I'm expecting. However, we'll see what God has in store for us this time.