She's here!!

Elliana Grace Dauphin

The Lord Has Heard

7 lbs, 4 oz 19 inches

Born at 8:20 am

We woke up bright and early and headed into the hospital. I immediately recognized the nurse that had attended Caleb's birth and who I LOVED. She basically got me through labor. I had written her a thank you note and so when she saw my name, she remembered me and asked to help prep my c-section. What a blessing from the Lord! I felt at ease almost at once.

After all of the prep work was done, I walked down to the OR carrying my own IV and hopped up to the table to get my spinal. That went much better this time as well. Elliana was born 20 minutes later. She immediately started crying and I asked Steve to make sure she was a girl. She was. But a few minutes later, the NICU nurse brought her close to my face let me see her for a brief second and then whisked her away. Evidently, she was working too hard to breathe and so they needed to get her stabilized.

I was sewn back up and headed to our room to recover. Elliana still was in the NICU and I began to understand that she would be there for quite some time. The nurses there and doctor were fairly certain she just had too much fluid in her lungs (and because she was a c-section, she hadn't had the benefit of it getting squeezed out while going through the birth canal). But they couldn't be certain. After a chest x-ray, they determined she did have fluid and started antibiotics to insure quick action if she was developing a pneumonia. Evidently, a pneumonia and too much fluid in the lungs from birth, look exactly the same on a chest x-ray. She started off with 50% oxygen saturation.

Around 1:30 pm the nurses wheeled my entire hospital bed into the NICU so I could hold my little girl for the first time. It was a wonderful moment. She and I stayed skin-to-skin for about an hour. By 3:30 they had weaned her off of all of the oxygen and she was breathing calmly on her own. She's been doing really well ever since. We still cannot have her stay with us until at the earliest, tomorrow morning but she is really doing so much better. And tonight I got her to latch on for the first time all day! She actually ate pretty decently on one side. I was so encouraged. It seems that she is pulling through and getting better as the hours go on.

I'm doing all right. I'm fairly comfortable and am thankful for the great care of the nurses and hospital staff. God is so faithful to carry us regardless the circumstances. I'm greatly encouraged by that fact and feel able to rest in His comfort and grace.

So...the name Elliana has been an absolute favorite of ours for over four years; we just kept having boys!! And the meaning seemed so appropriate. The Lord Has Heard. He has heard and has given us a daughter. We couldn't be more blessed.

The Last Day...What Remains

Well everything is ready. The boys have been dropped off and we had some dinner by ourselves out. All I have to do tonight is fold clothes and throw some toiletries in the hospital bag. The house is clean and the fridge has been cleared out. It's been a good but long day. I'm 40 weeks, 1 day and ready to go.

So, I've been thinking of the one thing to leave you all with for awhile now. What keeps coming to mind is this verse from 1 Corinthians 13:13. "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love; but the greatest of these is love." The greatest of all three, is love. And what is love?

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I love this girl already. Our whole family does. She is already so much a part of us that even though I haven't met her yet, I still love her wholeheartedly. After Joshua's birth I needed faith. Faith to know that God does what He does because He's God. Faith to trust in Him without seeing reasons why. Faith to believe He knew what was best for me and our family. Then God taught me to hope for the future and to hope in His promise to me that He would carry me through every circumstance. And then, when we found out we were expecting again, He showed me the fullness of His love and reminded me that love is the greatest of all three. f

So tonight, I think of love. I'm nervous. In fact, to be honest, even though it's my third time having a c-section, I'm petrified. But I know what remains and its love. Love is what drives me the distance. And I can't wait to lay my eyes on our little girl.

The last day..."But the greatest of these is love."

PS: I'll be off-line for a bit but hope to post pictures as soon as I can.

Two Days and Counting...

As far as weeks go, I hit 40 today and that always feels kinda strange. Nothing unusual happening. I tend to go late (8 days with Caleb and 3 with Joshua) so I'm not expecting any fireworks. Contractions have even backed off a bit and probably wouldn't pick up again until the weekend if I was going for a vaginal birth. So, I'm sitting pretty...well, large and definitely not pretty in that sense, but you know what I mean. Ha ha!

I'm just trying to tie up a few loose ends, get into the lab for one last blood test and get everyone ready to head in different directions for five days without us. Most everything is done. I think it'll all be all right. Left on today's agenda is making cookies with the boys and having a fun night with them. Tonight is our last night all together as a family of five. Tomorrow we'll take them to see Toy Story 3 and then tomorrow night they'll be at Grandma's.

It all seems too strange...too structured almost. But that's the way it is this time and I need to be thankful. I had my 40 week check-up yesterday and all looked fine. Yet, I still walked out of there in tears. I actually think I've left each 40 week appointment in tears for some reason or another from having made no "progress" regardless of contractions or just being plain tired. Hormones are in high gear and the anticipation of the birth is weighing heavily on my mind creating the perfect recipe for tears.

But yesterday it was for different reasons. I have known the whole time that I will have a c-section this time. I've never known that with any of the boys. But there was a part of me that thought maybe it wouldn't happen. Maybe I'd somehow be able to avoid it. Maybe I'd go into labor and labor quickly like with Caleb and the baby would be born safely without any problems. I tried not to think about it but it's always been there. But going in yesterday and talking with the doctor about all of the pre-op stuff, the absolute necessity of me heading in to the hospital if I have any signs of labor and how labor for me isn't safe, confirmed that the c-section will indeed be happening this Friday morning and that I can't change it.

I made it to the car without crying but was able to let it all out one last time. To give a final surrender, a final good-bye to my hopes for a normal birth this time. Again, I've always known and I'm very thankful. But I just needed to let go one last time. I am a woman and it's natural for me to want things to go normally. Yet that's just not what God has for me this time. A quick phone call to my husband helped a ton too. He just knows me better than anyone and knows how to comfort me while still pointing my feelings in the right direction. I thank God for that.

So for today, in honor of having two days left, I bring you the two ironies of this pregnancy and the two truths that I hold onto in spite of those ironies. Sorry...not as light as some of the past posts, but it's just what God is teaching me in these last days.

Two Ironies and Two Truths

Irony 1: This baby has not gone breech. Having breech babies is what got me my first c-section. I didn't know it at the time (it wasn't discovered until this pregnancy) but I actually have a birth defect that has given me a misshapen uterus. Basically the area of my uterus is a bit smaller than everyone else's so at the end, my babies flip around to try and find the best way to grow and get bigger. All three boys did it at one time or another. Isaac was just discovered breech too late and I had no idea what was going on because it was my first baby. The other two boys turned around 34 weeks and exercises got them to turn back. That's how I was able to try for vaginal births with them.

But I've never had a baby stay head down and it has been a huge source of stress and frustration for me in the last weeks of my pregnancies. Yet, this sweet little girl has been head down since 28 weeks and hasn't budged. I know how to tell now what position the baby is in and she has seriously been head-down the whole time. This is so ironic to me because she really is the only one that I've had NO chance of a vaginal birth with. With the other three, that option was always on the table. I don't know why she hasn't turned. It could be that my uterus is a bit more stretched out since it's my fourth and she could also be a bit smaller than her brothers. I don't know. But for whatever reason, she's been in the perfect position the whole time.

This is ironic to me. I'm thankful because her being head-down has allowed me to carry her all the way to term like I wanted to. But it's ironic...very ironic. Yet, this truth echoes in my head about that irony.

Truth #1: God knew me before I was even born and knew how He was fashioning me. There are no mistakes and God does as He pleases. He has also knit this little girl inside of me and has caused her to be in the position that she's in.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:13-14

So, I can rejoice in that knowledge and be thankful that He knows more than me. If I try and make sense of it, I'm reminded of what God said to Job.

"Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me. Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements-- surely you know!" Job 38:2-5

Basically, God is saying to Job that he doesn't know what He's talking about. In essence, where were you when I made the world huh?! You think you know so much but you don't! Your human wisdom is nothing to my understanding.

Very humbling.

Irony 2: I've always wanted a girl but not a planned c-section. Without beating a dead horse too much, I think it's been clear that I haven't thoroughly enjoyed having c-sections. I've tried to present my feelings about these matters in a real way but also one in a respectful/godly way as really, having a c-section is not the worst thing in the world at all. And last time, having a c-section saved both mine and Joshua's life. However, my woman's heart has never really wanted one. But I've always longed to have a daughter. So the irony is that God chose to give me a girl when He knew I'd have to go in for a scheduled section. As ironic as it is, truly it is God's kindness to me.

Truth #2: Contentment with our lot. For a long time I placed my happiness on the mode of birth I'd get. If only I could have things happen this way then I'd be happy. These feelings, although real, are not honoring to God and do not portray any thankfulness for God even giving me children in the first place. It's okay to have desires but, these things will not satisfy.

Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live. Isaiah 55:1-3

God has given me many blessings and it's not because I've earned them. He just blesses in His kindness. He didn't ever have to open my womb again. And He didn't have to give me a daughter ever but He chose to this time. But God gives and God takes. He does as He pleases. That's why our circumstances cannot dictate our happiness or our trust in God. For only God can truly fill us.

So I thank Him for His kindness to me and look forward with great anticipation to Friday.

Only two days left.

Three Days Left

I know I've focused a lot on my excitement to have a girl but I really, truly have adored having three boys. In fact, it's not something that I've been upset about at all. I will admit that I've definitely wanted to have a girl sometime but having three boys all close together has truly been wonderful for me. I also have to say good-bye to my status as an all boy mom and it will be a change for me. I'm not sad about the change but it will be different. So, in honor of having three days to go and for all you boy moms out there, I bring you my top 3 reasons why having boys is a HUGE blessing!

Side note: these are generalizations and I'm not saying little girls can't be like this too but boys generally are this way and I love them for it!

My Top 3 Reasons Boys Are a Blessing

1. Boys are simple. Now when I say simple, I mean simple vs. complicated not necessarily easy. Lord knows my boys aren't easy all the time at all!! But, boys don't get their feelings wrapped up in things nearly as much as girls do. Therefore, it's quite easy to know how to make them feel happy and how to bless them. You need to get them outside and let them run around. When my boys start running laps inside, I know we MUST go out. And you need to feed them--well. Sprinkle in some wrestling, sports and frog hunting and you can call it a day. They're just not that difficult to figure out. I love that about having boys.

2. Boys are tough. Some of their toughness comes from training but a lot of it is innate which develops over time and that makes them really fun. When my boys are brave, even when they're afraid, it makes my heart proud. It's really exciting to watch them learn and try new things. And it's really great to see them grow in courage. Boys have to be taught to go and conquer the world and care for a family one day. And it's so fun to watch them learn this process through learning to be tough even from a young, young age.

3. Boys LOVE their Mommy. This one is my favorite. All three of my boys are definitely very into their Dad and I would say that they gravitate much more to him (and it should be this way) but...they treat me like a queen. It's just a different kind of love for me. They play with my hair and tell me I look "beautiful today." They pick me flowers and make me cards. Ummmm...I love that. They treat me gently and they're always ready to shower me with kisses. I know that someday their affection in this way will change and be focused on a wife (and praise God for that!!) but for now, I'll drink in all of their slimy, dirty kisses because I can't help but loving their sweetness.

I've loved having boys and I'll miss our all boy family a bit when the little girl arrives.

But not too, too much.

Three days left to go.

Four Questions

There are a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head about making the transition to four children. But these are my top four. So far, my easiest transition has been to three. Not sure how going to four is going to go. Any moms out there with four kids, your thoughts would be much appreciated.

Four Questions about Transitioning to Four Kids

1. How in the world am I going to nurse with three boys running around? I've definitely thought that with the addition of each child but my third little boy is pretty active so I've really had this one on my mind. I've always read to the kids or played with them while nursing but Joshua is hard-pressed to sit for much time at all. We've been working on it for awhile because it's very important for children to learn to sit, but he still really struggles. And babies nurse SO much in the beginning so, I'm really curious how that's all going to work out. I'll just have to learn as I go.

2. How do I stay consistent with discipline and training? I feel like it's been hard for me to be consistent with three. At least much harder than with one or even two. I've really had to work at being on top of my littlest one. I'm wondering how to add another one and still do a good job in this area. I wish I was an octopus and had 8 arms. That would really help. But since I don't, I'll have to rely on sheer determination and a healthy dose of perseverance. God's strength will have to be my foundation for sure.

3. How do I give each child the attention they need? I think every mom asks herself this question regardless of how many children are in the house. It's a normal thing. However, I know I'm about ready to be divided into even smaller pieces and so I'm going to have to work harder at making sure everyone is getting their needs met. I don't know how this will all play out but I do know that I'm made for this. As a woman, God has literally made me to do this job. So in light of that knowledge, I can have my confidence placed in Him and how He's made me and not in my own skills. I'm sure I'll come up short often but, that's when God's grace will have to cover me and continue to teach me how to give more and more of myself. Because in essence, that's really what will be happening for the most part...I'll just continue to learn how to give more of my life away. And really, that's okay. I can't think of anything else I'd rather be giving my life to anyway.

4. How do I keep my husband my first priority? If I'm thinking about how I'm going to meet all of my children's needs, it definitely begs the question that I'm thinking even more about still being the wife that Steve needs first. It's so easy to deal with the immediate (the children) and forget that he's there as well, working hard and pouring himself into all of us. I've learned a few things as we've had the last couple that I believe have helped him still feel like he's the most important one in my life (because he definitely is). But I've got to keep those thoughts at the forefront of my mind. I don't know how to pull this off and I'm sure it'll be a transition. But another thing I do know that is so encouraging, is that this transition will just be a season and soon enough, we'll have our evenings back, our room back to ourselves and after a long day, we'll be able to unwind together. And those are the things that keep us going.

So these are a few questions that I'm sure will work themselves out--I'm just not quite sure how. But I know God will care for us and guide us. He always has and always will.

Only four days left.

Top 5 Comments

With the load that I'm carrying and the little army I'm sporting around with me, I definitely get some comments while out. Like I've said before...this doesn't bother me. In fact, it mostly makes me laugh and generally people are really kind. But just for fun, I thought I'd post the top five comments that I've received repeatedly over the last few months in honor of only having five days left.

Top 5 Comments

1. Are they all yours? This is surprisingly something that I get asked quite a bit. I guess it makes some logical sense in the day of daycare and blended families but, every time I'm asked this I just laugh. Of course they're all mine. I know people don't mean to come across weird but, it does imply some funny things when someone asks that question and really, I don't know these people who are talking to me. But like I said, it always makes me laugh pretty well, awkward or not.

2. You must have your hands full. This one is pretty typical and I know some moms get annoyed by this one. But seriously, if I really think about how I must look to other people, I can see why someone would make that comment to me. Yes, my hands are full. But so is my heart, my home and my life. It's not necessarily bad to have your hands full. In fact, for me, it keeps me out of trouble. Busyness is a great cure for bad behavior that creeps in when one is too idle. Check out Titus 2:5. So I always smile really big and just say, "Yes...but they're great kids and I really like them."

3. You're done after this one...right? This one is hilarious and partly comes from where I live. I live in one of the most liberal areas of California and there are a lot of population overcrowding groupies here. They love to hate people like me. And they don't mind making it clear to me that I need to do my part and help curb population growth. The problem I see with these people is that they're not going to have anyone to carry on their beliefs to the next generation because they're not having any children or are having very little children. While people like us, who think children are a blessing, are having tons of them. Hmmmm....enough said.

4. They're all so close together. I like this one because I usually end up explaining the ages of my children and that yes, they are fairly close together. We haven't actually planned it that way but it's just what has happened. As a result of my response, sometimes I get really funny and interesting stories from other people. One lady proceeded to tell me her whole pregnancy history and ovulation patterns. Ovulation patterns!! I don't feel the need to give strangers that much information about myself but sometimes people just want to share their experiences. At times people are unkind with this one (giving me a look like, "Didn't your mother teach you how this all works? Ummm...yes, I do know and I would think my swollen belly would communicate that fact.) But most of the time, people are just curious why on earth we would decide to have children all close together like we have. I have to admit, sometimes we ask ourselves that question so, it's not unreasonable. I'm not always sure myself but I do know that we're getting the baby stuff all over with at one time and that later they'll all be close friends. So, this comment always makes for a lively conversation.

5. Please tell me, is this one a girl? This one is my absolute favorite and it's the one I get most often. In fact, probably five times more than any of the others right now. And the greatest part is that when I tell them that yes, it is a girl, people that I don't know whatsoever literally cheer, laugh, and almost reach out and hug me they're so happy for me. It is so, so fun. It's like my "situation" makes their day. Some tell me that they have three boys and should've gone for a fourth. Others tell me about some relative/friend that is just like me. Others look so relieved for me. And some just grin and giggle all silly like they just won the lottery or something. No matter what, it's like I have my own cheering section right in the middle of Safeway. It's just plain fun. I'm glad that us having a girl can bring some joy to others because it certainly makes me smile.

Only five days left.

6 Days Left

Like I said before, I'm going on a mini-vacation next weekend and have been getting my bags packed. So in honor of six days left, I bring you...

My Top 6 Things to Bring to the Hospital



1. Good reading material. I'm going to be staying for a few days so, I'll definitely need some good stuff to keep me busy.



2. Baby blanket I made for the little girl. Now all of you sewers out there, don't laugh. This is very far from perfect. I used scrap pieces and I didn't try very hard to get things perfect. But it's really the first thing I've ever made and it was fun to do.



3. Going home outfit. Isaac picked this out for his sister last month at Old Navy. Caleb helped too but this is what Isaac wanted to get her. It's not newborn size (0-3 mths) but I think I can stitch up the straps and maybe it'll fit her. The shoes came from someone at my shower. Absolutely ADORABLE! I've never cared that much about a going-home outfit to take pictures in but this time it was kind of fun to plan something.



4. All of our technology stuff from the cell phone we just recently acquired to Steve's new laptop for grad school. His Geometry class runs through the delivery of the baby until the next week so he'll be needing a computer to do his stuff while we're in the hospital. And of course, we need our camera and video camera. At times like this, I am thankful for technology.



5. I have used this nursing pillow with every.single.child. It is a lifesaver for me in the first couple of weeks. Steve always makes me tell other people what its name is because he thinks it is just oh so funny. Yes...it is called My Breast Friend and really, after all of the use I've gotten out of it, it really is like a best friend to me.



6. Assuming all goes well, I am planning to nurse this one just like my other three. So, all the nursing stuff from the cover to the soothies and lanolin are a must-have. Even though it's the fourth time, it'll still hurt some and all of that stuff really comes in handy.

Six days left. Less than a week now.