A Girl and Her Daddy

A week or so ago I went on a walk in the morning and Elliana woke up while I was gone. Steve and I have this stone-age "system" that consists of him turning the porch light on if he needs me to come home since we don't have texting on our cell phone and don't ever want to get it (maybe someday I'll write a post on the "evils" of texting and how it makes you dumb...at least that's what my husband tells his students who have their cell phones permanently affixed-ha ha ha). I know, I know, just call us the Flintstones. Anyhow, I forgot to look the first time and on the second time around, lo and behold, the porch light was on meaning the baby was up and wanting to be fed. Daddy can do a lot of things, but he can't do that! So I bailed to go nurse Elle.

After she got her breakfast, Steve showed me a new trick he taught her in an effort to keep her distracted from her hunger while I was gone. I thought it was so cute, we got it on video (of course, she hasn't done it since that morning-ha ha!). So for your viewing pleasure...here's the littlest having her first heart to heart conversation with her Da Da.

Elliana and Daddy

Saturday is for Showering

Such a fun week it has been here at our home! We've done all sorts of busy things but one of the main ones was to plan for a shower today. In our community there are always LOTS of babies being born...as in once a few come along, another three or four announce a pregnancy. So we have baby showers a lot. It's really fun because even though most of the babies born aren't first babies, we still go all out to celebrate because life is life. A blessing is a blessing whether it is first or not. And frankly, we love to celebrate.

So today was a day to honor two moms at our church. One already had her baby girl a few weeks ago (number five for that family and second girl) and the other is due anytime with a baby girl as well (number 3 and the only girl). For both families it is extremely special that they are having girls. So in true TCC fashion, we all put our talents together to celebrate these two families.

My friend Allison is just the best at throwing a party. So she was the brain child behind the event. She's amazing. I wish I had her eye. She knows how to take anything and make it beautiful. And that's what she did. She went with a butterfly theme and hung butterflies all over her house. It was gorgeous.

I was in charge of food but really, I had the easiest job of them all because everyone at our church is gourmet and makes the best food. I hardly had to lift a finger. I simply organized everyone and they did the rest. The one thing Allison wanted at this brunchy shower was waffle sticks...homemade waffles cut into strips and then dips like maple syrup, strawberries and whipped cream. Amazing and so cute.

This is a picture sans waffles...they were crisping in the oven but it's a better shot of the adorable little cups of maple syrup. Such a fun idea.

It was a delectable feast with enough food to feed an army--seriously. There were some happy husbands after the party let me tell you.

My little Elliana had the best time crawling all over the place and "talking" to anyone who would listen. I have to just tell you, once I got her all dressed up for the party, we went outside to say goodbye to the boys who were working in the yard readying things for our soon-to-be-planted garden. It was the most wonderful feeling taking her with me to the party. We said "Bye boys!! Girls together!" And I couldn't stop grinning.

I love having a daughter. I love that we can go to showers together even when she's still so little. There were a lot of other babies there too. This precious mom and friend just had her first girl out of five! We're kindred spirits I tell you. Little Betty is a doll. She also supplied us with the yummy waffles.

And isn't this the most beautiful girl ever? This little one is her mom's first and I just can't get over how pretty she is!!

I got to make a favorite little treat...Mousse Bites. My sister-in-law gave me the recipe awhile back and they're just so pretty and yummy for a shower.

There were amazing scones, egg dishes, muffins, fruit, a flourless torte that looked like it came from a bakery. Yeah, our pastor's wife made that. I'm surrounded by such amazing talent! Seriously, we were spoiled!

But there was good reason. Every Saturday night we speak Psalm 127-128 around our table...our boys know them by heart.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." Psalm 127:3

"Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the LORD." Psalm 128:3

Baby Zoey and baby Gretl...we love you. Your life is a blessing.

So Saturday is for showering...children are a blessing, a blessing indeed.

Overcome

Sometimes I feel schizophrenic. On the one hand, I'm daily in the practice of merely dealing with the emergent in my little cosmos here. Eh...that scraped knee isn't so bad. Heck those hives can be taken care of with a couple of days of Benadryl. And the list drones on. Everyday hundreds of little situations are passing through my filter and I have to learn to deal with that overload and not get too emotionally worked up about every single circumstance. This is motherhood. How tough can I be? But with that state of being can also come the ability to shut out everything that is scary and emotional-to become calloused, for fear of being overcome.

A few months ago we watched a documentary on 9-11 titled, 9/11. To be honest, I put off watching it for days because I knew I couldn't handle it. I just knew it. This documentary was done by mere amateurs, Jules and Gedeon Naudet (brothers), who were trying to make a documentary on a rookie fireman in New York City. They happened to be filming that fateful day and were the only ones who were inside the Twin Towers getting raw footage. And that's what it was-raw footage. It hurt-bad and I have no connection with that horrific event. I simply am an American and I'm human. As I watched, it disturbed my soul to hear bodies literally dropping and hitting the ground from 80 floors up. Bang! Bang! It was almost too much for me to bear. Bang! When we finally did watch it, I snuggled close to Steve and braced myself to deal with the reality of this horrific event in our history. For I can't simply hide from all that is real. These stories are there and must told. They also must be heard. And when I do hear these stories, it's inevitable...I am human, so I will be overcome.

Today I ran across a blog written by a mother who just recently lost her firstborn due to meningitis brought on by the common flu. Her Dad is our dentist and my sister-in-law's family is friends of their family from church. I've never met this mother. I've only heard about her from her Dad as he would update me on his many children and grandchildren while cleaning my teeth. But her daughter who passed away is the same age as Isaac. And I've often thought about her. How she must be reeling. How she must still be in shock. How missing her daughter must make it hard to breathe-to live. I've avoided the dentist even though we're due for a simple cleaning because I don't know what to say. I don't want to say empty words. But if I do more than that, I'll be overcome.

Overcome.

I feel like despair is all around sometimes. Japan, Haiti, Lebanon, the global economic crisis, cancer, hunger...fill in the blank. Life poses much difficulty and there is always sorrow. Yet, if I allow myself to be swallowed up by such sorrow then I succumb to defeat. But if I don't allow myself to imagine the pain, to take on others' burdens, to be overcome by sorrow at times for others or for myself even, then I'm denying the beauty that God brings amidst death and suffering.

Literal schizophrenia. How do I delineate the emotions?

Recently our pastor gave a sermon on how death opens the way for life. "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." John 12:24 He preached hope to all of us fallen that death is not the end. I repeat-death is NOT the end. Death brings life. And in that there is hope. This hope breathes life and is the catalyst for all that we believe.

" 'Death is swallowed up in victory.' O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" 1 Corinthians 15:55

This reminds me of Christ. In a few weeks we will celebrate Easter which, in my opinion, is the most important holiday on the church calendar. Christ was overcome. But His death was the single, most victorious event in all of human history. It's a story begging to be told. It's a story that must be heard. When I put myself into that story and share in all that The Passion entails, I am overcome. Overcome by the emotions, the sorrow, the utter difficulties and the shame. But when I allow myself to feel, to really feel those emotions, I get to better understand the triumph, the victory-the hope.

Endings produce new beginnings.

Death brings new life.

Sin has been overcome by Christ on the cross and there is freedom from the despair that encircles us.

I don't have to face it alone. I must be real and I must allow myself to face despair. But I don't have to be afraid that the despair will consume me. For Christ has already defeated it.

It's a new beginning.

And instead I can be overcome by hope. Not a hope that is conjured up inside of me for I am ephemeral--a mere mist, and have a well that will run dry. But hope that is found in the heart of Christ and his victory. Loving others involves risk. Mothering requires being tough and tender. I'm thankful for Christ. His life, his death, simply who He is, give me hope to face all the sorrow and joy around.

If I am overcome by Christ then I can wade through this life with my eyes heavenward.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead..." 1 Peter 1:3

No Excuses

One of the things that always baffled me about my husband in our early years was his absolute inability to give an excuse about anything. In fact, often we would have literal disagreements about it. Sometimes it would be good that he didn't offer an excuse because he simply dropped the ball. But other times, it would be totally legitimate to offer an excuse for something he was responsible for that he didn't get done...like being sick or something. I'd seriously get mad at him in disbelief for this!! As those first few years ticked by, I began to realize that not only was he totally opposed to pretty much ever giving an excuse about anything but, it also now applied to me. When I messed up, he would take the fall.

What?! It would drive me crazy. One time, I forgot to pack him some shoes for his fraternity meeting (he always had to dress up) and I forgot his dress shoes. So, he had to pay the penalty (not sure what it was because it's a big secret, ha ha) and he told them he forgot them. I remember chiding him and saying, "Why didn't you just tell them it was me?! I'm sure they would've understood." His only response was, "I'm responsible for you now. When you mess up, it falls on me and I'm okay with that." What?! This sort of attitude seriously befuddled me and frustrated me at times for many years. Why did he have such a difficult time saying the dog ate his homework? Everyone else did. Especially when I felt like he was justified in doing so? Instead, he'd just say he didn't do it and that'd be it. He'd try and make it right and do better the next time. I wanted him to slide his way out of it to make it better. What I didn't understand was that he was just being a man.

Now fast forward some years. We start having boys...lots of them. And over time, I began to see (and maybe also just get more used to the idea) that when it comes to responsibility, there really isn't room for excuses. Sometimes there might need to be explanations (and he could work on that end a bit) but ultimately, the buck stopped with him and when it came up short, he'd tell people who to look for-him. It was hard for me to see him fail sometimes because he did. It was even harder for me to watch him pay when it was my fault. I shudder when I think about some of the bigger things he's shouldered and protected me from giving the guise that it was him and not me.

But over time, I slowly began to get it. Boys have to learn that they can't make excuses for themselves. They either did it or they didn't. Recently we've been working on that with my oldest. We've noticed that when asked to give an explanation for his actions, often he'll say "he did it first" or "I was tired" or something silly like that. I've been totally amazed at how easily my little boys are ready to give an excuse!

Last night I was skimming through Doug Wilson's book, Future Men and came across this section on giving excuses. It was as if a light bulb went off in my head and I was brought back through all of those early years when I didn't understand Steve in this area.

He says, "A refusal to make excuses is right at the heart of a scriptural masculinity. Boys need so much practice at this that they should be taught to accept responsibility even when the sun was in their eyes [reason they couldn't catch the fly ball]. Unfortunately, many boys are schooled in the techniques of avoiding masculinity by their parents. When a boy does not make excuses it is frequently because he does not need to--mom or dad do it for him...Boys must learn to say, regularly--to God, to others and to themselves--that they were wrong when they were wrong, and that they were responsible when they were responsible. When they do this, they will discover that authority naturally flows to those who take responsibility. That same authority naturally flees from those who seek to shift the responsibility or the blame. When boys learn to do this, they are learning what it means to be a young man." pg. 22-23, Doug Wilson, Future Men

It was as if it finally clicked for me. I've been seeing it in practice for some time. I know that we want our boys to get this. I pray that we can pass this on for it's very important! But what I hadn't done yet was connect it to our early years and my absolute inability to understand the principle at the time.

Nearly nine years later, I think the first thing I'll do when my hubby comes home is thank him for being a man who doesn't make excuses.

And then, I must say that when I see my in-laws next...I'll thank them too.

A Geography Lesson

This conversation occurred in the back of the car on the way home from church this past Sunday.

Isaac: (While studying our little globe that he managed to sneak into the car): Caleb, if you go up through Oregon, then Washington and all the way through Canada, you'll get to Alaska! And Alaska is kinda close to the old USSR.

Caleb (Very triumphantly and feeling very proud of himself): Oooooooooooohhhh. And if you get to Alaska, you'll find England, which is very faaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr away (where their cousins live)!

Isaac (Very instructively and to set the matter straight): No, no Caleb. England is in the British Isles.

At this point, Steve and I, who were straining as hard as we could to listen to their little conversation, just busted up laughing.

Watching our children learn things has got to be one of God's greatest gifts to parents. Amidst all the correction, the tireless toil and the thankless day ins and day outs...seeing our children learn new things just brings an encouragement like no other.

Thanking God for His amazing gift of education and for Him giving little glimpses into the little minds/personalities in our home!

Persevere and then Give Up!

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you."
Isaiah 43:1-2

Ever since my precious little girl has come into the picture, I have realized that in order to survive, I must learn to embrace the chaos. Often I want to fight it and in turn find myself attempting to wade upstream amidst rapids. It's much easier to just sit down and let the swirling waves take you downstream!! You know, go with the flow.

This new flow though, is something that is really difficult for me sometimes. I wish I had things in order. I wish I had things clean. Oh I try. Really I do. I clean, regularly, and then someone traipses through the kitchen with muddy feet. I file and then another stack of mail comes in. I do laundry and then someone pees their pants, or plays in the mud, or spills food all over themselves and needs new clothes for the third time that day! And then, to add insult to injury, the clean laundry piles up, stares at me laughing, and begs to be folded. These aspects of my day create an amazing little dichotomy of sheer chaos and monotony that surprisingly coexist during the waking hours and it can get stifling sometimes. It's easy to get discouraged and even easier to just get plain mad about it all. Will I ever get to eat my lunch?

But that's just it. Getting mad won't solve anything. Even my four-year-old who is a firecracker like me, knows that. He doesn't always act like he knows it but, he does. More and more, I'm finding that I simply must persevere yet, give up.

Yup...persevere yet, give up.

What?! How does this work? I guess what I'm trying to say is that one of the best ways that I can get through the crazy times that happen often is to simply keep working. Yet in the midst of that work, I must know going in that somehow, something is going to go awry and when it does, I have to just accept it, let it go and just keep going.

Persevere and then give up.

Nice. That makes a lot of sense right?!

But it's true. If I just give up in the beginning and embrace the absolute insanity that surrounds me then we'll all get swallowed up by it. No one will be in charge. Instead of me running the home, it will be running me and all of us know that this is NOT the place to be. And at that point, it's very, very difficult to keep a good perspective and a good attitude. Because regardless of what I think or feel, that's what I'm responsible to do, no matter what the children are doing around me.

But if I can't accept the craziness and know that ten things are going to go wrong and maybe only two right, while I'm trying to get a task done, then I've lost it all together. There has to be room for error. There has to be room for mistakes. There has to be room for sin, including mine (especially in the attitude area).

There has to be room for LIFE.

Because really, that's all that it is. It's just life. And it's mine. And I better get cheerful quick, even when I'm feeling tired or discouraged. If I'm being honest, good ole caffeine or a really hard run usually help a bit at this point too.

Yet seriously, even though I think having a beautiful, perfect home and life would simply be wonderful sometimes, you know what's even worse?

Silence. Perfection. Suffocation.

Nobody lives in perfect homes. It's all just pretend anyway.

I want life. I want love. I want grace. I want laughter.

And if that means that I have to work my tail off and yet learn to simply give it all up. So be it. It doesn't make sense, yet it makes all the sense in the world.

Persevere and then give up.

Easier said than done.

Maybe by the time they're all grown up, I'll finally get it.

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
Matthew 10:39

Playin' Around

So I have cracked open the manual. This is monumental!! But I'm still playing with the camera quite a bit as there are so many amazing things it can do. I tried to get some practice this weekend. Steve took some of the pictures as well. In fact, I think some of his turned out better than mine. Maybe there really is something to the whole "reading the directions" thing.



Here are some fun pictures from the weekend. I took a bunch of the kids to get some practice. A couple also came from a birthday, girls night out, night on Saturday night. My very sweet girlfriends surprised me and took me out for dessert Saturday night (belated due to me having the flu!). It was a really fun time! The rest are just from our lives over the weekend. Who doesn't love to get into helping wash the neighbors car? Especially if there are umbrellas involved to protect yourself from getting too wet?

Or maybe you just don't really care about getting wet!

Two are definitely better than one!

I think I could really get into this photography thing. It's just too much fun.

Speaking of fun, I just can't get enough of this girl right now.



This was our pre-church photo shoot.

Happy Monday!