Pray for Baby Ally-Updated

Ally's surgery has been rescheduled due to her still having a bit of a cough. Thanks for all who have been praying for her. I'll let you know when she goes back in for the surgery.

Meet Ally.

This bubbly little thing is my precious niece and she is just nine months old. Ally has a big day today and she needs you all to be praying for her. Here is a bit of her story (shared with permission).

Ally was born with a cleft palate and craniosynostosis (premature fusing of the infant skull). Early this morning, Ally and her parents have made the trek up to Stanford to have major skull surgery to correct the craniosynostosis. In a few months, she'll have another, less invasive surgery to correct the cleft palate.

They would covet your prayers. Our whole family would. Please pray that the surgeons hands will be precise and diligent. Pray that all aspects of the surgery from the blood transfusions to the reshaping of her skull will go off without incident. Pray that her recovery will be swift and uneventful. And pray for her parents who will be waiting to hold her again upon its completion.

We all just adore her and are so thankful she's in our family. I know she and Elliana are going to be pals growing up as the ONLY girls amidst a slew of boys!! She is such a joyful little light.

Her parents would be greatly encouraged if you let them know that you're praying for them.

And I'll keep you updated.

Some days...

This is just how we make it!

This afternoon I came back from taking Joshua to the bathroom and found that Caleb had taken my spot while feeding Elle...yesterday, Isaac had done the same thing.

I just can't do everything. Thank God my oldest two are getting a bit older and jump in to help even without being asked. Of course feeding sister is a lot more exciting than other things. They don't always jump that quickly.

Joshua really wanted in on the action too...to which I graciously and respectfully declined. I'm sure you can all imagine why.

That little girl has many admirers.

Stroke of Brilliancy

This darling boy has pretty much broken the mold for us. Anything that worked with his older brother did NOT work for him. They're as opposite as can be. That was pretty apparent from the time he was born. And really, this problem is typical in most families I think. At first, we thought it very difficult that he was so different. But now, we're starting to see that his eccentricities are a very good thing because they teach us a lot about changing our methods. In essence, he forces us out of our ruts into the uncharted territories of parenting unknown.

Here's an example. We're not really chart people. You know, the rewards charts. We have some really good friends that use them a lot with great success but, I don't know, we just haven't ever tried them. Maybe it's because we're lazy. Or maybe it's because we just feel like our kids should do what we say because, well we said to not because we did a big song and dance about it. I don't know. Maybe it's some of both. But for whatever reason, we haven't used this technique.

Until recently. We've had a long term problem with Caleb that has needed some fixing. It's not an obedience issue but rather an issue of childish foolishness. We have reminded, we have held him accountable, we have tried every, single angle possible to get this certain behavior to diminish. But it has stuck around like a bee to honey and no amount of anything was helping. He simply wasn't motivated enough to remember. So out of frustration and utter defeat, we threw up our hands and decided to make a chart. He'd get a sticker every time he remembered and if he didn't, he simply didn't get one. Once he filled up his chart, he'd get a prize (very small from the dollar store).

And we waited. All of the sudden, he was remembering. Having something positive put in front of him kept him going. And our jaws were permanently affixed to the floor. We had spent months combating this problem, and in a matter of days, with a different focus on the whole deal, he was doing much better. Whhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttt?!

That pretty much sums up our reaction. Soon after starting him on his chart, we potty trained Joshua and started a chart for him every time he went #2. The treat at the end wasn't really enough motivation for him to go so I thought, "What the heck!? Let's try it!" Worked like a champ. We haven't had an accident in that area for awhile now. Then of course, the oldest needed in on the action and he needed his own chart. I had to wrack my brain to come up with something for him to keep track of but, within a short amount of time, we decided his chart would be related to his chores. Once we're done with the other boys and their "issues" we'll transition them to the chore chart as well.

All in all, we're better people and we're better parents because of his fiery personality. We've simply been amazed at how often, Caleb the stubborn one, pulls us out of our own stubbornness causing us to try another way. It's like God put him in our family to help us see the whole grand picture rather than the measly frame. Some things are totally non-negotiable but in some areas, seeing things from a different angle can be beneficial. There is definitely black and white in parenting. But a lot of it is shades of gray. We just have to learn to discern when to stay in the lines and when to bust out the creativity.

It's all art. It's all learning. But in the end, it's a masterpiece that only the Creator Himself could have designed.

And he uses all the little people in our lives to help create it stroke by stroke by stroke.

Brilliant.

Homemade Granola

Ever go to the grocery store looking for a good granola only to take home a box that looks really yummy on the outside but on the inside, it's half full of air and tastes like cardboard? Plus, it cost you about $5 in the process? Well, I sure have many times. If they're not over-processed and dull, they're over-priced. And it stinks because my kids LOVE granola and yogurt. And I love giving it to them for lunch because it's filling and good for them. But I don't love buying granola. I've been trying to find a solution to this problem for some time now because granola and yogurt is one of my go-to lunches.

So I had a thought last week. Why am I buying granola and wasting all this money on a sub-par product when I could just make my own? A quick google search pulled up tons of recipes for me and I quickly weeded out many of them because they had too many ingredients (that my kids wouldn't really want anyway!). I wanted to make a granola that could be made with ease from the stuff that I already stock in my pantry. This recipe is so simple and it's incredibly tasty.

Let me describe to you how easy it was to make. I had it made and in the oven in under ten minutes which included me getting out all of the ingredients and putting them away. During this time, the boys sat at the table eating lunch (and I ran interference with that while cooking) and Elliana decided she didn't like where I had put her and cried for most of the time. But I was able to get it in the oven before having to go get her. That's how fast and simple it was!! Does that convince you now?

Try it! It's economical, easy and excellent!

Homemade Granola
4 cups rolled oats
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup honey
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups raisins (or to taste; I used less-more economical and just as good)

Mix first four ingredients in large bowl. Heat up vegetable oil and honey until just starting to boil. Remove from heat and whisk together. Add vanilla. Pour hot syrup mixture over dry ingredients and make sure it is mixed very well. Spread onto a baking sheet/jelly roll pan and bake at 300 F for forty minutes. Stir well every ten minutes. Let cool completely on wire rack when done. Then stir in your raisins or anything else. You could add flax (add that in with dry ingredients) or any kind of dried fruit. Be creative. It stores one week at room temperature or a month in the freezer. For more complete instructions, visit the exact recipe here.

Make Them Work

One of the things that irks me the most is when my children fight. I just love each of them so much and want them to love each other!! A lot of the time they do but, like all of us know, sibling fighting and rivalry is as old as sin so it's not that I don't expect it to happen. I do. But nothing bends me all out of shape faster. If I find myself needing to take a few minutes to myself on any given morning, it's usually because my children have been bickering at each other and I've been playing referee.

Most of the time, the older two play pretty well together as they've learned their rhythm and they've been corrected enough times to know the rules of engagement and how they're expected to treat one another-with respect. However, throwing their two-year-old brother in there always adds some spice. And the middle one and his little brother, the aforementioned two-year-old, still have some kinks to work out if you know what I mean. It's all learning but it still can get tiresome for all parties involved.

Some days, like today, are just one of those days when everyone seems to have woken up a bit grumpy. Maybe it's because Joshua has a really high fever and has been walking around in a stupor or because their baby sister woke them all up before 7 am and due to vacation, they've been rolling out of bed much later than that! I don't know. But everyone was in rare form, including their mom, and it was just one of those mornings. And really, there doesn't have to be a reason. Sin is sin and my little people are just as prone to it as I am. They're just not as good at hiding it (which is probably a good thing!).

So after some scuffles and tears, I felt like I was starting to get angry. Not really at anyone, but just at everything. That's when I knew, I needed to change strategies. I read an idea somewhere along the way in this parenting journey we're on, that really intrigued me regarding a discipline tactic. Although the usual rules were definitely still in order, I remembered this technique and thought I'd give it a shot. I've used it before and it worked like a champ. Yet, I had forgotten about it for awhile so, it had been sometime since I had last called upon its merits.

And I was reminded again how genius it is. Make them work. If you can't play nicely, you don't play-you work.

I'm happy to report that I know have newly vacuumed floors. All the recycling has been done and they barely missed having to help mop the floor. Now all of these things are chores they'd have to help with anyway at some point but, they had to stop mid-play and work which is NEVER fun. When I first heard of this idea, I read about a father who would make his girls mop every time they did such and such (fill in the blank) and that some days the floor would get mopped multiple times. How brilliant is that? Mom stops playing referee. The children learn to get along. And the house gets clean in the process which puts Mom into an even better mood because she didn't have to do it!

Not bad. And lucky for me, my kids are finally getting a bit older to where this sort of thing actually works and they really do clean (rather than making a bigger mess than when they started). Somehow sharing your train suddenly becomes much more appealing than sorting trash.

Gratefully, they made it through without having to do too much forced labor and moved onto other things like spy work and saving this adorable damsel in distress (the boys insisted Elliana wear her Halloween outfit while they were "saving" her).

I'm not saying my house is all squeaky clean but, some things got done and most importantly, some attitudes, including mine, got cleaned up in the process. Now, that's my idea of some progress.

Obsessions

I recently read an article that piqued my interest. It came to me via one of my free subscriptions in a little pamphlet titled, "No Greater Joy" and was written by Debi Pearl.

Just an aside, this publication and ministry can be controversial at times. So just so you know, I'm not here to endorse their style of parenting. I'm just here to tell you about the article. Some of the things I've read from this ministry have been really helpful and other things have not. So there. Glad I got that out of the way.

Back to the article. It is titled, Obsessions, and is all about men having obsessive tendencies. Let me whet your appetite.

"Let's face it: most men are given to obsessions, for even if they are good obsessions they are still obsessions...Some men like to fix up cars...Some men are into hunting and fishing...And then there are those men who just like to work. Work is a sport, work is a challenge, work is fun...I am sure there are thousands of other strange things that capture the minds and hearts of men. It is not as if your man has a disease and is abnormal. Almost every male I know is or has at some time been afflicted with this obsessive-compulsive disorder. The big question is how we, as stable, hard working, family-committed wives, respond to what feels to us like an unhealthy imbalance." She's speaking of "normal" obsessions here, not of sinful ones like pornography, by the way.

After that quote, she had me hooked. Men in general are obsessive by nature? I thought it was only MY man who was that way. I had no idea. For example: my husband is obsessed with football (especially the 49ers) and I mean obsessed. He knows just about every player on any team and he knows all sorts of random facts about each one. When he finds something he likes, he does it over and over and over again because, well he likes it. Sounds logical-to him at least.

Some of his obsessions are great like his love for Math and puzzles. Yet some are not great in my humble opinion. His sometimes obsession with video games...not so helpful. Good thing that is a thing mostly of the past. It rears its head now and again and I hold my breath until it passes. But I always just thought that my husband had the personality for being obsessive about things and that it was just who he was. I didn't realize that it was simply characteristic of men in general. The more she talked about it, the more I saw it. Men aren't all obsessive about the same things but, it does seem to be the way they're wired. And the more I thought about it, the more I relaxed.

So that got me thinking. So what?! Hearing somebody else say this put it all into perspective for me. I've often wondered about my husband's obsessions and I must admit I haven't always understood them. And sometimes I've been plain jealous of them. Why? Because they distract from poor little me...you know, me the one who wants attention all the time. Yep. And if they're distracting him from giving me attention, then they must be horrible, in fact even sinful at times. Ooooooooooohhhhhh....I better be his Holy Spirit and show him his follies. Because you know, he needs me and all. Am I not his helper?

This attitude is BAD. And you better believe there have been many times I've played the martyr acting like I'm so much better because I'm not given to fancies such as Sodoku puzzles (or the latest fad). But my husband's obsessions are what make him good at what he does contributing to him being a good provider and father. For example: I can't build anything to save my life. Yet my husband is incredibly good at fixing things, seeing how things fit together and building things, even if it's out of tinker toys. His obsession with logic puzzles help him in this area.

So what do we women do? If it's how they're made, they're not going to change. Debi makes a few suggestions that I thought were helpful. She suggests joining him as best as you can in his obsessions. Or if that simply won't work, she suggests finding a few of your own/or simply doing something else. I started thinking about it and you know, she's right. I really am not jealous of football. But that's probably because I've tried to join my hubby in his love for the sport by watching games with him and hearing about the latest news. This one was easy for me because I already had a natural inclination toward football even before I met him. But still, I've embraced his football-ness wholeheartedly (including season tickets to the 49ers-mostly that hurt my pocketbook which if you remember...I'm cheap so I really had to concede here). However, there are other obsessions he has that I just cannot share, like logic puzzles. I just don't think that way and I never will. So I've tried to do other things while he's in his mathy land...I read, bake, run and write. But I admit it, sometimes I nag him to do something else more "productive." Shame on me!

It's hard not to take these obsessions personally. It's easy to think they are tuning us out because they just don't want to be with us, which hurts a woman's relational pride in a big way. But if that's all they are, if they're really just being men, just being themselves, then are these obsessions really all that bad? Are they worth being all upset about? And really, do we really want our husbands to change? And if we do, what do we want that change to look like? Do we want our men to look more like us, like women? If you really think about it...No! We want them to be who they are. That's what attracted us to them in the first place, the fact that they weren't like us. We want them to be strong, silent (well not too, too silent), diligent, capable and rough.

We want them to be the mystery that they are.

For mystery is at the heart of marriage.

God even said it himself through Paul in Ephesians 5: 31-32

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church."

So I guess we can conclude this. Our husband's obsessions can be a mystery to us. But we can leave them at that. I guess that's the way it should be. We don't have to understand them but we must respect them. For they are a huge part of the man that we have been called to love, cherish and respect for the rest of our lives. And it's much easier to go with the grain than go against it.

"However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:33

Easier said than done. I need to learn how to do this. But it's worth a try. Definitely worth a try.

Budding Artist

My dear oldest child drew this for Steve and me a few days ago. When he handed it to his Dad he nonchalantly added, "That's you and Mom when you got married." Holding in his laughter, Steve ran to the back to show me the picture and he and I died laughing together while we studied the details.

Then we both looked at each other and said, "Who's who?"

Well, can you tell?

We had to ask him.

What is your guess?

Doesn't it look just like us almost nine years ago?

Yep...just about right.

I love that kid.